So I haven't blogged in months...partly because I forgot sometimes but mostly because dear Fazp would realize I've been reading hers. (Hey!) But I'm content with what I've already got and I really feel like blogging today... Okay...where to start. Who am I even blogging for? Myself I guess. I like that, I think. I don't have to feel so self conscious like I did when people actually read this. There's so many things floating around in here...but I'm not really sure what to type.For all my adamant claims of impulsive behavior...I do tend to over-analyze far too often for it to be considered healthy... Every single letter I'm typing has to have a purpose...and every sentence has to fit. Because for some reason this blog is still really important to me. Actually, at some point in mid-December, it'll be my one year anniversary. I never wrote consecutively, but I poured more of myself into this blog than into any person. Okay, today is apparently the anniversary of my aunt's death. And I listened to my mom talk about her...all day...and I hate being an only child. It doesn't seem fair. It isn't fair, actually. What if I don't get married? Then I'll probably never have truly bonded with anyone in my entire life. And... I don't even know if I want to get married. From the sneak peeks I've seen of guy behavior, I might just be better off getting myself a good job and supporting myself. Guys aren't honorable like they used to be. Maybe they never were, even in Colonial times. They just pretended. They're good at that, I'd imagine. And my aunt...I'd like to meet her. She died young. And I've known about it since I found her yearbook when i was really little. Maybe that's why I've developed cynicism at an early age. Her death was so realistic to me, even when I was so young. Like a slap in the face. And she was so much like me... And so much like what I want to be. She was this amazing writer...and she's been to Woodstock, multiple times, seen the Beatles live. My mom wanted me to pray for her in school, but I'm not sure about my faith anymore, at least in that area. So this dedication-oriented blog is pretty much the very least I could do. I feel like I owe her something. Kind of like I know her. And I dont feel comfortable placing whatever fate she may still have in the hands of some possible greater power. I'm going to go...for now.