You feel so low you can't feel nothing at all.

Six Flags tomorrow! Well it might rain. Right now i'm feeling sort of like..crap. Which i want to rant about. Besides Fazp hasn't posted in a while so no one reads this damn blog anyway. It's just that you get this insane jumble of feelings you can barely control for someone who looks at you and sees nothing. I'm used to being nothing. Being seen as a nothing. I'm used to it and so damn sick of it. I don't want to be nothing. I don't want every emotion i feel to be a waste not to mention a plague on the person i'm feeling them for. I'm totally at a loss, split in between. I don't know what's happening anymore but i wish i did. Feeling ignored and unwanted and noticeably flawed and insignificant and so so used. I need to mean more to myself then all that...right? Those times every once in a lifetime that you feel so perfect you can do anything, you can be anyone-it's the exact opposite. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. So i won't. I'm a good person. I think. But is that enough to keep me going? For how long can i stay like this, totally worthlessly forgotten by everyone that i cared about. And what's really sinking in is that while you can say you're over it, you're done, you're through, you're untouchable, not vulnerable, moving on it doesnt mean it's neccesarily true. And despite popular belief-you can say all those things over and over and over. It's nice for you to hear, comforting for the people around you to hear and maybe a good support system to keep you standing strong. But even so, it's not true. And you know what else? If you believe hard enough-things don't go your way either. And the worst part is knowing that even if things good work out-they can't. If that makes any sense.