Okay so my blogs have been less frequent. Sue me. It's not like anyone's reading this anyway. I'm wishing i was a bit smarter. I could have done better on that stupid test. Sea is not a fun place. At all. But I was really dealing with it. Until that damn 75 DVD thing. It's not worth talking about. I don't even think that was what made me cry. It was just seeing it was like punching a hole in something i thought I sealed up all the way. And that one little hole let eevverythiiiing come flowing out. I can't even say I felt better afterwards because I don't think i did. It kind of worries me I'm at a stage in my life where i always have to say i THINK even when concerning my own emotions. Shouldn't I be a bit more sure about that? But I'm really not. And I honestly don't want anything to do with boys. Well I do. But not in the way I should. Or maybe I shouldn't. I'm only 14 and it's probably normal that I don't want a real relationship at this point. I could go for a good french though. Really. That must sound so pathetic. But I really am sick of sitting around waiting for a real relationship when one might not even be out there for me. And I have definitely gone too long kissless *is that a word? it should be*. I cant blog. I dont know what to say or how to sort through my thoughts. I sound like im throwing a pity part. But i dont feel sorry for myself at all...just pensive..? Gotta love those SAT words...not