Wow...Well, I haven't posted in a very long time. My posts have been getting further and further apart...And I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing because this blog used to be so much a part of my life...Getting out of Sea was a relief. Report card was good, uniform is gone, and so are all my religious convictions-out the window. And I don't think I've, thus far, spoken to anyone who approves of that, and the fact that that bothers me not at all has to be proof that my maturity is moving along nicely...or at least I'd like to think so and as there's no one reading this blog there certainly isn't going to be anyone challenging that theory. I'm fairly excited for this summer....it's hard to imagine that last year was real because it all just feels like a nightmare. I suppose I took it hard because I was never one to fit in with the crowd, but I was never literally hated by that many people in my life. It definitely did a number to my self esteem. But I think I still have a pretty nice margine of confidence for myself, and self-respect that I even made it out alive. Of course, there's people at war faced with death and destruction...but this is the environment I was raised in and for me, last year was one of the more prominent forms of hell. It was like...a loss of sanity, going through hours and hours a day so totally alone...It's taught me to be relatively frightened of my own mind and what goes on inside of it-it was the only thing I had for company. I learned to think of myself as a friend because at times that will be all I have.... I've found I berate myself a lot and I'm pretty self-destructive...but I have a lot of belief in my own capabilities. And the only thing that kept me sane was holding my head so high that if it was any higher I'd have tripped down the stairs, and writing. Thank Whatever Power There Might or Might Not Be for writing....Also, as a response to Fazp's Top 5 Fears, 1 being the most frightening possible:
Aimez: Top 5 Fears:
5) The possibility of an afterlife and what it might be
4) Being unable to have a baby/miscarrying (very obviously aiming for a girl)
3) Losing my freedom.
2) Making a fool out of myself in front of people I respect.
1) Losing control of anything usually understood to be within my power.