I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive...

What do i want? I'm not sure anymore. It's like all this time i've been desperately chasing after something but i don't know what. Or maybe i do know what but i don't want to. And it scares me. Scares me that something so strong can last for so damn long. Something you like but you just know you're not supposed to. You want it to go away but at the same time you couldn't bare it if it actually did. Confusing. Gab's gorgeous heart throb wasn't at lunch today. Hope he's not sick. Six Flags is in less then a month. I'm excited. I'm going on a roller-coaster. But at the same time i don't really want it to come. I'm terrified. The last days of my young life are slipping through my fingers like sand and it's really hitting me that i can never get them back. Sure, years from now i'll remember it... But i'll be older and maybe even.... mature. Is it POSSIBLE for me to be MATURE? And i'll never see anyone again. Everyone is splitting up. I really really really don't want lose this. I'm childish. Childish and going to high school. Will i ever laugh again? Ok totally over-reacting. Of course i will. BUT IT WILL BE EMPTY AND SHALLOW AND PAINFUL TO HEAR. Ok still over-reacting. Oh god this can't be happening. I was never one of those girls...I hate them... when they go on spring break and come back all teary eyed and start hugging their friends like it's been years. But now it's forever. Forever. By the end of June, i'll never get lost on the way to the bathroom or sarcastically imitate Herman then duck down when he walks by or laugh at Princess and spin around on his plush chair with tape ball when I'm supposed to be in Ms. Chan's 37 minutes. I'll never have my hair braided in gym or dance to my ipod on the bus ride home or sit at the guys lunch table and pretend not to understand their disgusting and unnecessary, but actually somewhat amusing, jokes. Nothing will ever be the same.