The Week Is Almost Over!...and omigod am i ranting AGAIN?

It's been a few days since i last posted but, hey, i'm lucky to be alive after my mom saw my math average. It was low, just a tad. Ok, admittedly, i was really upset but i made it into the honors society so it won't seem half as bad. Not that i deserve it. I mean who gets awards for practically failing? I guess I'm just lucky. But i feel stupid. That award could have been given to someone who
a) cared more and
b) had a justifiable reason to be getting it in the first place
But there's nothing i can do about it. I hate that feeling of watching something horrible happening and you just have to sit back and eat your popcorn and let it all happen because there's honestly nothing you can do. That doesn't happen to me very often. I have a thing for taking action, even when it's obvious i should just give it a rest. I have a habit of dragging out the smallest things; little fights with my mom become full out screaming fits because i can't help saying whatever pops up into my head (which is usually "bitter, sarcastic and disrespectful) as she likes to put it. But i can't help that i want to stand up for myself...maybe a bit too much but, it can't be helped. I don't like listening: period. I'm not rebellious, i just have a mind of my own and i don't care if you're my mom or my teacher or what, i have the right to my own opinion and i also have the right to apply that to whatever you told me to do and decide to do it my own way. And, actually, it's not one of the (many) things i want to change about myself. I like knowing that i'm stubborn because i know i don't ever really have to give up or cave in. If the cost of that is being overly passionate about everything, then so be it. Weird, i forgot how i even got on this subject. Well anyway, all i really planned on saying when i started to blog was that it's amazing the week is finally close to finished.

Ok so i haven't really posted in a while. I'm upset because tomorrow marks the start of school again. Soon it'll be March and we won't be off for a whole month which is....very troubling to say the least. Ok so i never took Fazp ice skating but i can assure you, we are definitely going. Soon. Maybe this week on Sunday? And i had a nice vacation, it's not that i didn't appreciate it. It's just that i wish there had been more time to...well it wasn't really very exciting. I didn't get much done. I'm not halfway done with my math homework and i have a science essay to finish and i didn't even start on my CA project. And now highschool is looming nearer and nearer and it's just...everything is happening too fast. I don't really want to leave intermediate. In fact, i still miss elementary. Everyone says high school is great. You have more freedom, you're treated more like an adult. Well, the point is i'm not an adult. I'm barely a teenager! And maybe i miss being a kid and all the simpler things. High school is not something i'm looking forward to. And it took me so long to make friends where i am now...Well to form CLOSE friendships. And now everyones leaving. And all we had was three years? It seems like such a waste of time that when you're finally learning to accept who you are and the way your life is, it changes again. It's so frustrating. But maybe that's what it means to live. Don't get me wrong, i'm good at adapting to change. I'm used to it. But it doesn't mean i dont suffer internally because of it. I feel like i wasted my childhood. Like i have no decent memories and it sucks that i can't go back and change that. And now they say this is the worst age? The drug accepting, peer pressured, concert going, underage drinking, harley riding age that, unfortunately, can make or break you? It's so confusing. I just want to go to bed but i hate that lingering feeling you get before you drift off that, yeah, you're safe for now but your problems will come right back when you wakeup. But you know what? I'll worry about it when i wake up.

Ok so i'm happy for them. I really am. Even if there's a lot of doubtful people out there. If you don't know who i'm talking about you probably shouldn't be reading this blog. But I am. I feel horrible that Fazp is suffering IM attacks from everyone about it (especially Vrai and Natalie) but in all honesty, it's her choice and sometimes love makes our decisions for us and maybe we like it and maybe..maybe we dont sometimes but thats inevitably the way it is. Ok i saw this coming for a while now and no one believed me. I think it's a good thing. Maybe people need a break from eachother sometimes..but it doesn't mean you don't love them right? Even if you both have funny ways of showing it. Sometimes you strike back when you're in pain if you know what i mean....Oh you probably don't. No one ever really understands what im physco babbling about. But...It was a big surprise today on Fazp's computer screen but...i'm happy for her. But we made a promise. She's not going to close her eyes this time. Not even blink. Not for a second. I just hope shes not already falling asleep...Well besides that today was fun...I watched anime for a while and that stupid obnoxious guy with the big eyes keeps walking away from the girl with the pink hair. I was very very upset. And i met Fazp's sister scary doll (which if you ask me is a really dumb name. how does the poor thing feel going out in public?) and...i walked around outside for a little just to think and now...i'm here. Well you're welcome for enlightening you because i'm sure you actually enjoyed reading this. Auvoir.

The Top 100 Qualities of the Perfect Boyfriend

So me and Fazp were talking and (mostly out of pure boredom) we started a little game. Who would have guessed it would lead to a list of the 100 qualities that make the perfect boyfriend (i get him. Fazp gets his brother because her theory is they were raised the same). Wow. I had no idea up 'til now that we had such high expectations. Apparently we do not that most of them are fulfilled. Ok so here goes. Oh and cut us some slack for the abbreviations, typos and such. We were instant messaging and we were in a mad rush to type all this up. It was fun! We took turns so comment and try to guess who wrote even and who wrote odd!

Here goes:
1. Always takes your side in public arguements, even when he doesnt 100% agree with you.
2. Never tells you how to act because all he really wants is for you to be yourself
3. Calls on a regular basis. (But not routinely cuz that gets boring) just at random, but you get called.
4. Doesnt love you for the way you look or the way you kiss and if you dont want to kiss for like...a year then he'll be prepared to wait forever
5. Doesnt have a favorite outfit or way you do you're hair. He loves you in everything. (I mean, he secretly has his favorite, but he doesnt make it known, and he doesnt grow out of telling you how good you look at random)
6. Never puts you on the spot and makes you feel humiliated or embarassed and if someone else does this he stands up for you.
7. He likes to just hang out and sit on the floor with his guitar, but doesnt make you feel bad if you secretly just wanna sit rly close and hold hands in the dark.
8. He never makes you feel stupid because you dont want to have sex and if you feel uncomfortable and tell him you dont want his hands on your ass or your not ready yet he repsects that and just kisses you on the forehead and nods.
9. Then again, if you happened to want his hand on ur ass, or in your back pocket, he understands and has common attraction towards this.
10. And if he knows that you enjoyed every second of this and your totally head over heels in love with him he doesnt use that as his card to play when he wants you to do something. He lets you make your own choices unless you honestly want his opinion.
11. And he doesnt pressure you into giving him yours. But he always secretly hopes you do. Cause he wants you to be comfortable.
12. And his number one priority is your happiness. He might take you to a really exspensive concert but really all he wants to do is play tag with you outside in the middle of the night. Whatever he does he wants you to like it.
13. The minute his feelings change he lets you know. He can always say he didnt mean it later. But if he's trying to figure himself out, he tells you.
14. And he never laughs AT you, he laughs WITH you and if you tell him you happen to sleep with your mom when you have nightmares about him dying he doesnt laugh and he DEFINITELY doesnt even THINK oh my god what would the world be without me? that IS a nightmare
15. He doesnt get offended if you make a trite remark against him when its just you and him. He knows you didnt mean it, and no matter how sensitive he truly is, he doesnt take it seriously.
16. He's really honest with you and he knows that if there's something serious he cant hold it in and he can share anything with you because he trusts you.
17. Compromising may not be in his nature, but he cant make all you're decisions for you. And he doesnt. He respects you and you're ideas. (Which i guess is kinda two...but w/e)
18. He comforts you when you need it and when you're watching a horrifying movie he lets you hide under his arm and he laughs and kisses you and tells you that if anyone laid a finger on you he'd have to kill them.
19. He doesnt get jealous when you talk to other guys and is totally secure in your relationship--even when u aforementionally stop kissing him for a year.
20. He never gets tired of being around you. In fact he doesnt get tired of you PERIOD. Hes willing to devote every second of every minute of every day to you and even when hes super busy he always finds time to give you a text to check up on you.
21. But...if you need a moment to yourself, he doesnt give you that wounded puppy look. He understands.
22. He understands your PMS and your twisted emotions even if his are peachy keen so he never gets mad at you for sending mixed signs or going from ecstatic to depressed in 3 seconds flat. Even if hes really confused he has patience with you and makes you feel better not worse.
23. He likes when you dont do your hair...or arent wearing makeup and he makes it well-known.
24. If hes over a friends house and his friend says YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A WEIRDO he doesnt say yeah i know i was gunna break up with her...he says what'd you say!? say it again and this brick connects with your face!
25. At a family party he doesnt get totally freaked out when his aunts decide to look through baby pictures.
26.If you have a nightmare, you know you can call him at 6 in the morning and cry for the remainder of the night and he wont even yawn once even if hes so tired he wants to throw the phone at the wall and snore to his hearts content.
27. And when he does comfort you, he doesnt use it as a "look how good i am" later on.
28.He's not arrogant whatsoever and if he is a bit and it really cant be helped hes still very humble about. The only thing he likes to brag about is you and he can find endless delight in babbling about you for hours because thats how much you mean to him.
29. Even though he wanted to hang out with his friends this weekend, he misses you because you guys couldnt be together last weekend, and insists to you that his friends will understand, even if he doesnt think they will.
30. He doesnt do all these nice things to put him in a good light or even to impress you. It's just natural instinct because hes a nice person.
31. But....once in a while he tells you "sorry but i rly need to hang out with the guys today" just so you know he cant always be there.
32.When you have too much sugar and your bouncing off the walls and your happy beyond the average happiness he thinks its cute but he treats you like he normally would hoping it will wear off soon. He doesnt provoke you, make fun of your weirdness or make an excuse to go somewhere..far away....like Alaska.
33. Never tells you how hot your friends are.34) Is very casual but SOMETIMES goes out and goes over the top romantic and takes you for a walk on the beach or to an amusement park and he doesnt move away when you scream and latch onto him on the rollercoaster.
35. And doesnt tell his friends that he's disappointed you didnt hookup yet.
36. And if he is he confides in you privately.
37. He doesnt take his petty gf problems on a public blog.
38. And he doesnt ever dare to assume that he means the world to you even if you mean the world to him because he always has that possiblity in the back of his mind that hes not good enough. Insecurities are normal.
39. He respects your need for an occaisional PDA and satisfies said need.
40. He never expects anything of you. He doesnt expect you to make the first move, start the first sentence of a conversation or anything else that puts the pressure on you. He can depend on you but he doesnt want to embarass you.
41. NEVER EVER compares you to other girls or *gasp* ex gfs.
42. And if he absolutely must it puts the other girl down not you. AKA: i think my relationship with you is more real then it was in my last or you put every other girl to shame. There shall be no: You wont kiss me? my OTHER girlfriend kissed me the day i asked her out!
43. Respects your occaisional need to tell him how horrible guys are atEVERYTHING.44) And instead of making up stupid excuses he just nods and admits to all his flaws and then even makes a game out of it for you to vent.
45. Doesnt insist you do something just because he is.
46. And when you tell him said friends ARE idiots he defends them but not in a mean way. He makes it clear that he likes them but he likes you MORE.
47. Knows he's not perfect and doesnt insist he is (and doesnt insist you are either)
48. Doesnt over assert his masculinity. AKA: Doesnt assume he gets to "wear the pants" in the relationship because he has more testosterone and a dick.
49. Knows sometimes you just wanna be whispered to and dont wanna think or talk or anything.
50.Doesnt hint around about something private, wait for you to ask and then make up an excuse not to tell you just because he knows you'll spend the rest of the day trying to find out what it is he wont tell you.
51. Doesnt expect you to read minds and know what he's thinking. Just because he sees something his way, doesnt mean you will.
52. And if he reads all this he wont say GIRLS DONT REALLY EXPECT US TO DO ALL THIS! he'll say..wow i wish i could be this great for your sake
53. Knows that he isnt the perfect bf but nvr stops trying. And doesnt point that little fact out for you.
54. Truly believes in his heart that he would sacrifice his life for yours because when hes up late at night thinking about what he would do if you were dead he shakes his head and thinks about other things because the thought just doesnt register.
55. Doesnt talk about you two together in matching rocking chairs if he doesnt honestly believe you'll get there.
56. And he never tries to impress you because he knows that either you like him for who he is or the relationship isnt worth a cent.
57. Loves everything wrong with you, and tells his friends the cute mistakes you make. Even when they look at him weird.
58. He knows all your stupid little pet peeves and all your favorite things and on valentines day instead of a box of chocolates he gets you your favorite album or your favorite flavor ice cream just because he knows what it is.
59. NEVER says "idk what to tell ya."
60. Is prepared to conform to your stupidity if it makes you smile. Like play Mario Kart for 7 straight hours with you or watch the Sound of Music a billion times even when hes ready to just smash the TV screen if he hears one more nun sing about some lady named Maria.
61. Doesnt mind when you correct him and corrects you too.
62. Takes you to McDonalds at 4 in the morning because your craving chicken nuggets and then he buys you another happy meal because you didnt get the toy you wanted in the other meal.
63. Wants you to come to church with him, just so he can play with your fingers for an hour.
64. Knows how to carry a conversation so that when you get to talking and you run out of things to say he knows how to cover up for you so it looks like your the worlds greatest conversationalist and it saves you from feeling awkard.
65. Tells you all his secrets cause he knows you'd never tell.
66. And if one of the kids in his class says PSSHHT DUDE your gf went and told the whole class your secret. He doesnt say WHAT. THATS IT WE"RE THROUGH! He gets your side of the story before he reacts because he trusts you more then some idiot in his class.
67. Knows your favorite book character is Romeo Montague and reads you quotes for no reason.
68. When hes going to your house and hes waiting at the door and your home alone and he hears you singing/screaming at the top of your lungs he doesnt stand out there and listen because he knows you dont like singing in front of him. He lets you know hes there and doesnt eavesdrop.
69. Only does number 67 to his gf, unless she knows about it.
70. If your passing notes with your friend and the teacher catches you and your facing detention he grabs the note and says that he was passing notes and apologizes and takes the detention for you
71. When ur sick and insist he rly should NOT come over, he calls u at ten minute intervals until u pick up and then stays with u on the phone until 5 a.m. even if neither one of you is talking.
72. Has a playlist with your name on his ipod so when you get bored all your favorite songs are there for you to listen to
73. When your wearing a shirt (on purpose) to make your boobs look good, he doesnt comment on your boobs like a pig. He says, "Nice shirt."
74. He can confide in you about how he REALLY feels about you and knows the two of you can have an honest conversation about your feelings for eachother.
75. Some loser started a rumor you wanted to break up with him, but you dont have to freak out cause you know he wouldnt believe it anyway.
76. If its rainy day he doesnt keep you cooped up inside, he chases you around until your soaked and then he grabs you and kisses you in the pouring rain. Why? Because he knows itll make all your romantic dreams come true and secretly itll make all of his come true too.
77. Teases you about the stupid things you do, but gives you full right to tease him back.
78. When you admit to him (in all seriousness) that you think you are deranged he replies ( just as seriously ) that he thinks he is too and thats good because hes not letting you get carted off to the looney bin without him.
79. Buys McDonalds for you and lights candles. Cause he knows you like romance with a touch of personality. And doesnt mind if the first ten minutes of dinner you whine how you cant eat hamburgers cause your on a diet. And eventually you end up eating on the floor, leaning on eachother, reminising about inside jokes. (implying you have inside jokes....which is a must)
80. When your at a restaraunt and you feel sick he automatically drops the bill and brings you to the car and speed drives you home to give your mom the details and reccomend bed rest. Then you take her up to her room and watch Charmed reruns with her and whisper to her you love her while she sleeps.
81. Takes a million pictures of you in the weirdest places and makes a video montage for your birthday.....but no one else ever sees it....cuz you look like shit in most of those pictures but he loves them all.
82. If you tell him something he thinks is insignificant but that YOUR very worried about he gives the whole situation his undivided attention even if its something like do you think im ugly? or do my shoes make my feet look gigantic?
83. Act like a lunatic in public places, keeping you ten feet away from anyone who could be a sicko, only cause he loves you and never wants anything at all to happen to you.
84. When you want to go rollerblading or skateboarding he makes you wear a helmet and knee pads and elbow pads because hes scared your going to fall and hurt yourself and you get into a big argument about it but you know hes only doing it because he cares and in the end he wins and you dont really mind that you look like your going sky diving.
85. Knows all your single friends are jealous but doesnt care cause your the only one he ever wants.
86. Is very empathetic and understanding towards you and your feelings. He knows just how to turn your bad day into an amazing one with just one word.
87. Never jokes around about anything that is very serious to you.
88. When your stuck on some stupid math hw he doesnt do it for you because he wants you to do better in math so he helps you figure out and guides you but lets you figure the answer out for yourself.
89.Doesnt start an ex-gf story without finishing cause he knows that its gonna kill you for a week.
90Makes up stupid names to call you in public and does super annoying things and just when you want to kill him he kisses you and you go into a total daze and forget how dumb he was being
91. Gives you his jacket but not cause he wants ppl to be like...aww. Cause he doesnt want you to be cold.
92. When your walking on the beach and he sees your starving he gives you his pretzel and lies and says hes not hungry even though its 9 PM and he hasnt eaten since breakfast this morning at 8.
93. His phone is ALWAYS on and he nvr ignores your random txt with no promising convo after it.
94. When hes at the store he always sees things that remind him of you and whenever he comes back you always end up getting stuff because he cant help buying it for you and no matter how hard you try he wont accept the money you try to give him to pay for it
95. Knows that no matter how many times you ask him to tell you which one of your friends he would be with besides you, you nvr rly want an answer.
96. And to elaborate on the aforementioned topic: the truth is he could never be with any of your friends because he'd be sick with thoughts of you
97. Lets say he screws up and says your best friend michelle, when you totally do a fake cover face for...aww...i could see you two together...he grabs you and kisses you all over (g rated)
98. When your feeling really down and you tell him you think your the ugliest thing in the world he kisses you and says your a godess. Then he kisses you again and compliments you again and he kisses you so many times you cant breathe and you dont even bother to and when he says do you still think your ugle? you mutter no and almost pass out.
99. He knows all you tickle spots and when you scream and giggle for him to stop he doesnt cuz he knows you enjoy so very much.
100. The number oneway to be a perfect boyfriend is to love her with your mind, body, and entire soul, and when you tell her that, makes sure you damn well mean it.

I CANNOT BELIEVE People Like This Actually Exist!

Ok im pissed. So, while i'm well aware me and Cate aren't close anymore, i still have that automatic instict to defend her and when this total BITCH im'ed me...the instict came back. Apparently this retard found out her AIM password and she's going around telling all her friends that she's a jerk. Of course i didn't buy it for a second and i found out that this absolute IDIOT is the one that turned all Cate's friends on her. She irritated me to no end and we got into this huge argument.
a) She talks really annoyingly. I swear Mr. Murphy would drop dead on the floor. Apparently with is spelled widd and hi is constituted for yo babe. I am not a babe and i do not answer to yo and i made that PERFECTLY CLEAR.
b) She is very proud that she has had sex 24 times. I mean hellooo STD's come and get me! She's even had abortions (that is, if she's not lying which appears to be her only talent). When i told her she was a disgusting whore she told me i was jealous! I was like YEAH im just DROWNING in my own envy. If i was talking to her face to face i probably would have spit on her. Multiple times.
c) She also had the nerve to IM Jay and tell him that he was being cheated on. That's the worst, most unlikely lie in the whole entire world. And when he said he loved her and she was the most beautiful girl in the world she said theres no such thing as love...I almost feel bad for her and what she's missing out on. I said almost. Because...
d) She is an arrogant little fuck. When she called Cate ugly and i (very politely) told her to fuck off, she was amazed i thought Cate was pretty and followed it up by saying "well you obviously havent seen me yet" Conceited little prick...Then she continued to say that she was the most popular girl in the whole school. I almost threw up. All that means is that she craves attention and she's not independent. Insecure is the word i'm looking for i think.
I'm utterly disgusted that people like this exist in the world. Even if i dont exactly feel the same towards Cate anymore, I had no choice but to tell this retard off. If a PrincessLissPws IM's any of you tell her to go drown in her own fucking love for herself. Please. If there's one thing i CANNOT stand it's Hollister loving, gucci buying, self-absorbed, labeling little bitches like HER.

Since It's The New Phase Thats Sweeping The Nation...

Alright well since everyone seems to think this is the new thing...i'll do it too. I have to admit it does look really fun... here goes...

“I claimed I didn't care for you but your verse got trapped inside my head. Over and over again. You played yourself to death in me.” “Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition” 

“Who could deny these butterflies?” “Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes. I never really had a chance. I had so many dreams about you and me. Happy endings; Now I know” “Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.” 

“How does it feel when tears freeze, when you cry?” 

“You were everything that's bad for me. Make no apologies. I'm crushed black and blue but you know I'd do it all again for you.” 

Please... don't try to analyze it..I'm barely sure what it means...

Copyright...Fazp...Cus she came up with the idea...lol

Ok wow...I just had the weirdest, funniest, most disturbing conversation ever... But it was kind of fun. Kind of horrible. But kind of fun. Q and A had never been so disgustingly dramatic but then a gain, thats how its supposed to be, right? Admittedly it was much more interesting then the whole... if you were on a deserted island what would you take or if you had to marry christian marvilli... More embarrassing but much more interesting. I guess this game is like a bad version of Truth or Truth? Ok well whatever it is I'm kind of glad Vrai made it up. Even if it's so annoying when there's no longer such a thing as just TALKING to her because we HAVE to play this game. But I like it a bit. Um.. besides playing with Fazp and Vrai i played with LAUREN and it was actually... weird how different people are then you they seem on the outside... It's actually pretty amazing how unperceptive we really are, no  matter how hard we try to fool ourselves into thinking we know everything about everyone, the sad truth is... we don't. If we did there would be a lot less hurt feelings, wouldn't there?      

First off sorry Riddler but I'm not buying the poor little baby boys crap. Sorry. Seeing as you're a guy, you might be a bit biased on that one. I understand that guys have problems but so do we and you don't see us practically lap dancing on the lunch table or throwing spit balls at people. Because we have brains instead of walnuts. Point being; i agree with Fazp. Boys really do think with their dicks. Who knows? Maybe that's what there for because there brains sure don't seem to be the decision makers. There are some nice ones. Some as in like three or four in the world. A rarity. Ok moving on. Vacation is coming and SOMEONE is going ice skating with me even though she doesn't want to. She will be dragged. If it snows i really want to go sledding because that was AMAZING. The head rush makes you really giddy and it's a nice feeling. Kind of remnant of something else. Maybe that feeling is addictive. Despite the fact that I'm probably going to a frigging Catholic school, I'm actually kinda excited. Anywheres better then 75. But oddly enough, i think i'll really miss it. This is another so so day. I'm feeling pretty inspired so i wrote almost a page as soon as i got home.          

I Had To Say This

I'm not done yet. I know. I'm sorry but another thought just crossed my mind. Different subject so i decided to do a new blog. Tough for you. Alright so the "girl" i mentioned officially considers me an aquaintance. I had to get that off my chest. I kind of went from hurt and confused to hurt, confused and a bit pissed off. I wonder if she reads my blog? She might. That would be an uh-oh. But i somehow doubt it since i don't mean anything to her anyway. I wish that she would have told me in the first place she didn't care about me at all because now i feel like I spent all that time caring about her and crying over her and thinking she was my best friend in the world and all that garbage and then i was wrong. I feel stupid and embarassed. I have walls that go up and stay up and they came down for her and now i'm regretting ever taking them down in the first place. I can't open up to just anyone and for the past few years she was my confidant and she was probably more important then my family was to me. And now the biggest let down wasn't that her mom didn't want me to see her but that she totally agreed with her mom that i'm a liar and she's perfectly ok with it. If i was in her place i would have fought my mom tooth and nail to see her again but i guess i don't deserve the same respect. Love always goes wrong for me whether it's romance or friendship.

Guys...have a lot of nerve.

Alright today wasn't so bad. Bearable. Apparently i'm not that bad in basketball because...i shot like twelve times and got it in quite a few of them and they were mostly 3 pointers from far back. Got them in from when i caught it on check! Which was so cool because i love sports but i'm not that good at them. But we lost because the girl who reffed had no idea what she was doing and she always called out random team names to check it. So we lost. But i didn't really mind because it was a pretty good day. Well not good but it was acceptable. The week went fast. I can't believe it's almost Friday and then we're off for nine days. We have an unbelievably long amount of math homework which i will probably end up using to showcase my need to procrastinate and there goes the last night of my vacation right down the drain. But hey, eight days isn't so bad either, right? Well we found someone that has Forever and they're passing it around the class along with A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl. The boys at lunch were going crazy reading it because of some of the..."detailed" parts of the book but that's not really the point of it. Leave it to an adolescent guy to randomly open a book and find the page with sex on it and then jump around laughing maniacally like it's a never before heard of concept. Thank God i'm a girl. The guys also decided to yell at me and Fazp's point of view on guys and how theyr'e all morons. We were corrected of course. Only MOST guys are morons. Well excuse me for not agreeing. I mean comeon. MOST is a bit too vague. A good lot more them MOST of them are jerks. It's like programming and maybe one or two (tops) guys are lucky to kind of skip over that little extra, like a bug in a computer. But almost all of them (a more accurate guess) are jerks, plain and simple. Only it's not plain and simple! Because why do they have to be jerks? Common curtesy, loyalty, support and most of all love are not so much to ask for from any guy. So why can't they just grasp the fact that it's time for guys, especially around our age group, to get...not more MATURE but more considerate especially towards US, us pertaining to girls. You know, the female species? All their decisions are solely testosterone fueled. It's disgusting, really. But then again, this is just me complaining, right? I wonder if this is all just in my head. Bad Guy Experience=Looking Down On Guys. I mean, I've never had a boyfriend or anything so...maybe i'm just bitter? But i don't think that's it. I just think that guys have a lot of nerve...

Oh my god...Valentines Day is this Saturday. Normally i don't post twice a day but i'm so upset about this i decided no one will suffer anyway because no one really reads the blog at all...Stupid, stupid, stupid valentines day. Stupid red and pink and white and stupid happy couples and jewelry and chocolates and red roses and stupid me for being so upset that i don't fall under the category of anything i just referred to as stupid. I hate the fact that i'm going to be alone, sitting at home watching Sailor Moon and Charmed reruns on youtube, sipping hot cocoa and trying not to cry. I am so, so pathetic. I never realized it 'til now but i really am. Watch, i'll end up watching Titanic or Gone With the Wind or maybe West Side Story and what'll that do? Cue the waterworks. Why do i waste my time watching this crap? Because this "crap" fascinates me beyond belief and sadly, i wish i was Rose or Scarlett or Maria or...well you know what i mean. Then again, notice life doesn't work out for any of them. Jack freezes to death, Rhett dumps Scarlett and stalks off into the conveniently placed London fog even though they're in Georgia and Tony gets shot. Why is it that none of the really beautiful romance movies have happy endings? I'll tell you why. Because they're realistic.

Alright first off this "kid" had to leave our class for special circumstances and most of you reading this will know who he is. I'm surprised because i thought i hated the guy but i actually really miss him. I even cried and i know he didn't like me but he made me laugh and i feel horrible for being such a jerk to him. It's funny how you take the weirdest things for granted and pretend you dont care and once they're gone you realize how stupid you were. I just want to say that wherever he is i hope he's ok, i really do. Weirdest thing i ever said. Officially. But good luck out there because it's a big world. I mean the whole thing i related this to, the "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"....so true. I've felt that lately on a much grander scale then a kid in my class moving away. It's an annoying feeling, like something gnawing at you and you try to brush it away but you just know that somewhere inside you a little voice is screaming i told you so and you realize how you should have grabbed the chance while it was still within reach. For this one situation, though, i'm kind of glad i didn't make the reach because i would be a lot different then i am now and...well my whole life would be changed and while i don't see how my life can get much worse i don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Yes i'm at a bad age where i'm convinced life sucks and, yes, to a point it really does. But i feel bad comparing my life to starving children in Africa or homeless people, trying to survive on the cold streets of New York City in the heart of winter. Compared to them my life is a fairytale. But then how come after telling myself all that, i would still switch lives with them in a heart beat? Not only do i wish my life were less dramatic but more exciting. Yes, for your information, there is a huge difference. Drama is unneccesary and petty and excitement...well i don't have much of it. I'm the type of person that craves excitement. If some random man walked up to me right now and asked me to go bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower with him there would be no way in hell i'd even imagine saying no. Sadly there will be no random man, bungee jumping, or split decision visits to Paris for me. Or anything remotely near as exhilerating as that. Besides my extreme distaste for my life and need for something interesting to spark it i also feel more and more that everyone hates me. I think there's something wrong with me because some people i think hate me, i've never had a conversation with in my life and most of them are like my closest friends. I think it's just that i have bad experience making and/or keeping friends, period. I mean even if i was right, am i so horrible that every single kid in the whole school hates me? I really, really don't think so. That's a bit much even for my self esteem. I know a lot of them put up with me just because they have to but that alone is something. At least no ones throwing books at me and taking cover under desks. I don't think they are anyway. I wish i was one of those girls that everyone liked. I don't want to be the type that has platinum blond spirals of hair, glistening blue eyes and teeth that could easily be m istaken for pearls. I just want to fit in sometimes. Not stop being who i am and stop standing out but...to be accepted for standing out. If that makes any sense at all. Like Vrai can do that and i can name a few other select few who seem to have that talent. It just doesn't work. I have to either wear Hollister every day and smile until i want to cut my mouth out with a razor (which i tried in elementary school and it did not cut it for me, the fitting in thing not the razor thing thats a bit much even for me) or be myself and play my music in my head and bother people into insanity and be cut off from civilization. I know out of the two i'd choose the second hands down not that i have experience but i wish the world wasn't so judgemental. It seems like most people today judge everyone on what they wear, how they act and whether their stupid pocketbook is a REAL gucci bag or if it's *gasp* not! Now that would be the sin of all sins! And if you don't carry a designer pocketbook to school with you SHAME on you! You rot in the dungeons and face social humility for all eternity because you were the one person who wanted to be different and who didn't need to be seen with an ugly brown bag with a bunch of G's on it. If you call that art i give up on this planet all together. Maybe i'll move to Saturn...

The Font Is Turquoise!!!

K..Um..my friends over..And may i add my dear FAZP that there is no way i shall partake in ANY band because to be a band member requires talent so...oh shucks..i forgot..i went and left my talent at home! Oh wait i dont have any!! Well thats that. Sorry folks. Aimez is musically out of comission today. I think my friend just farted cus the room smells kinda funky...Lol i so just got slapped for that. Ok no i didnt but i can probably expect a slap in the near future. Well nothing eventful really happened today.. yesterday was..amazing! I mean yeah i know i cant dance but it didnt really matter! It wasnt half as packed as it was in November but it was still fun...minus like thirteen people! You know who you are! You should be ashamed *cough vrai cough* because it was NOT gay no matter how often you insisted. It couldnt have been because the DJ staff member was..very phsyically pleasing..lol yea he was quite cute. He danced with all the girls and whenever he moved all the girls screamed and ran after him and one girl got trampled and fell on the floor! Oh and apparently a chocolate bar the size of my fingernail is worth a dollar and since i was kinda short on those i starved. But it was fun. It really was. Um..what else happened to me? Probably not a lot. Omigod! I wore lip gloss! It was DISGUSTING. Why would anyone want to smear their lips with goo? I just dont understand? To look "kissable"? It looks more like someone took swamp water and glitter and rubbed it on your lips and said "ok NOW you're fit to go out and kiss people"...um...no. you're not. It's disgusting. Ok i cannot believe i have a blog..Whoever is reading this please stop because no matter who you are you do not want to hear some pyscho lunatic babble for at least 4 sentences on what lipgloss feels like when you put it on (bad!!). And i took this weird tag thing and i had to come up with 25 things about me that were..strange i s'pose. It was amazing how many things about me that were weird that i never even aknowledged. Like the fact that i have some weird obsession with old movies? Or that my crazy urges to scream and dance in the middle of the street and sometimes in the middle of class are not (i repeat NOT) normal? I actually ended up laughing hysterically at my own stupidity. Actually, i do that a lot. I dont think THATS normal either. Well i'm off to go look up a therapist in the phonebook that i havent already been to...jk jk...kind of sort of not.

Yea...Not Creative Enough For A Title..Is that good enough for you?

Ok well lots of interesting things happened in the last few days. Ok not anything really. I was kind of offended by some "stuff" i cant mention on the blog but... ah well. Everything is confusing and sometimes i dont know what to do anymore. I made some choices for myself that hurt but i have to go with my gut instinct and maybe its time i started to face reality right? Right. I finally realized that im not going to ride away with some prince on a white horse (courtesy Taylor Swift and Taylor Taylor lol) but i think im ok with that. Red roses and perfection does not come over night and maybe sometimes it doesnt come at all. I'll just have to wait it out and hope i'm one of the lucky ones. Sometimes maybe i have to make my own luck. Today was fun but i kind of just woke up from all that delerious school cutting enjoyment when my friend kind of explained that we're not friends anymore because i haven't seen her for a month because her mom doesnt like me. I'm ok with that so if she reads this..you know i guess it had to happen eventually...but i thought i meant more then THAT and..well that stung..bit of an ouch. But i deserved it. I had to much fun today so something was bound to go wrong. But it was fun. Apparently the mall is a lot nicer before school hours then after. It was nice and quiet and you get to do whatver you want cus its all old ladies and babies getting pushed around in strollers. I went to BORDERS and it smells REALLY REALLY good in there not to mention its like..book heaven..so that was nice. And then we went sledding and my boots were apparently not fit for it cus every time i had to climb back up the damn hill i kept sliding down! I actually crawled up once! Beyond the normal embarassment protocol. Really. I drank two bottles of Snapple today! With Alina's money of course. Wow. How much do i owe her by now? Like more then my mom's electric bill probably.

A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl

Wow, a lot happened in the last few days. It's too confusing to go into. But i had a really really good weekend. Not good...but productive. Almost like i learned some stuff i really needed to enlighten myself on. I can thank Fazp for most of that and the book she lent me which totally changed the way i look at things...Especially the whole romantic area of my life. I actually feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Instead of thinking..i'm ugly and i wish i was never born i think..well i'm not SO bad and even if i am there's nothing i can do about it so why linger on the whole thing when i've got more important things to worry about? This weekend was...probably the weirdest weekend of my life. Oddly, i enjoyed it. I needed something like this. Well i have to go do math homework but..

Please read this book...It makes so so so much sense and makes me curse even more how totally stupid i am sometimes.