Friday, October 16, 2009

Okay so my blogs have been less frequent. Sue me. It's not like anyone's reading this anyway. I'm wishing i was a bit smarter. I could have done better on that stupid test. Sea is not a fun place. At all. But I was really dealing with it. Until that damn 75 DVD thing. It's not worth talking about. I don't even think that was what made me cry. It was just seeing it was like punching a hole in something i thought I sealed up all the way. And that one little hole let eevverythiiiing come flowing out. I can't even say I felt better afterwards because I don't think i did. It kind of worries me I'm at a stage in my life where i always have to say i THINK even when concerning my own emotions. Shouldn't I be a bit more sure about that? But I'm really not. And I honestly don't want anything to do with boys. Well I do. But not in the way I should. Or maybe I shouldn't. I'm only 14 and it's probably normal that I don't want a real relationship at this point. I could go for a good french though. Really. That must sound so pathetic. But I really am sick of sitting around waiting for a real relationship when one might not even be out there for me. And I have definitely gone too long kissless *is that a word? it should be*. I cant blog. I dont know what to say or how to sort through my thoughts. I sound like im throwing a pity part. But i dont feel sorry for myself at all...just pensive..? Gotta love those SAT words...not

Saturday, September 19, 2009

So I haven't blogged in months...partly because I forgot sometimes but mostly because dear Fazp would realize I've been reading hers. (Hey!) But I'm content with what I've already got and I really feel like blogging today... Okay...where to start. Who am I even blogging for? Myself I guess. I like that, I think. I don't have to feel so self conscious like I did when people actually read this. There's so many things floating around in here...but I'm not really sure what to type.For all my adamant claims of impulsive behavior...I do tend to over-analyze far too often for it to be considered healthy... Every single letter I'm typing has to have a purpose...and every sentence has to fit. Because for some reason this blog is still really important to me. Actually, at some point in mid-December, it'll be my one year anniversary. I never wrote consecutively, but I poured more of myself into this blog than into any person. Okay, today is apparently the anniversary of my aunt's death. And I listened to my mom talk about her...all day...and I hate being an only child. It doesn't seem fair. It isn't fair, actually. What if I don't get married? Then I'll probably never have truly bonded with anyone in my entire life. And... I don't even know if I want to get married. From the sneak peeks I've seen of guy behavior, I might just be better off getting myself a good job and supporting myself. Guys aren't honorable like they used to be. Maybe they never were, even in Colonial times. They just pretended. They're good at that, I'd imagine. And my aunt...I'd like to meet her. She died young. And I've known about it since I found her yearbook when i was really little. Maybe that's why I've developed cynicism at an early age. Her death was so realistic to me, even when I was so young. Like a slap in the face. And she was so much like me... And so much like what I want to be. She was this amazing writer...and she's been to Woodstock, multiple times, seen the Beatles live. My mom wanted me to pray for her in school, but I'm not sure about my faith anymore, at least in that area. So this dedication-oriented blog is pretty much the very least I could do. I feel like I owe her something. Kind of like I know her. And I dont feel comfortable placing whatever fate she may still have in the hands of some possible greater power. I'm going to go...for now.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I'm Back!

I can't believe I haven't blogged since before Gab's party. And I promised. Promised that I would carry this blog through from 75 to Sea. Well I will. Starting now. Just for the update, Gab's party was fun. Lots of people got hurt. But it was amazing. It's been a fun summer. I'm not ready for it to end. Block party tomorrow. Oh my god I miss my family. Mostly my cousins. All three thousand of them. Just kidding. But I really do. I'm excited a little. Since I know no one reads this blog... I can't believe guys. They make you believe you're beautiful and special and worth something just for a second. When you're not. And even if you are, they don't believe it. They're just saying it. Why?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Friday is Gab's party! Woot! I'm actually really excited. I want to see everyone. I miss 75 so so bad. I can't believe it's all over. It just seems so surreal, like it's not really happening. But it is. So i have to take a deep breath and go for it. I love all of you, except Christian lol, and I'm going to miss you all so so much. Lunch was amazing and so much fun. I tried to make every second go slowly towards the end but things have to move on. I have to steel myself to move on with it when September comes. I have to let go. I'm not sure what else there is to say that's uncomplicated enough for me to pen down here. The rest is too confusing. I don't think i can manage to type it up. Lol. I'll get back to you on that.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

If There's a Prize for Rotten Judgement, I Guess I've Already Won That

Wow. It's been a while since I've posted. School ended about a day or so ago. That's the first time I've ever cried in public, at least since i was really little. No reason not to mention it on my blog since Fazp's the only one who reads occasionally. But I'm so upset about this. I thought that i was upset then but that graduating would be a big step for me and it might be nice. I didn't even cry much at graduation except for a minute. But graduation was like any other graduation. It was so fake. It had nothing to do with school. I mean let's face it... it sucked to get up every morning. Lessons were painstakingly dull. And they made it sound like it was amazing. But it was amazing in a different way which i didn't realize until now. I guess that it really hit me on Friday that this was it. Hopefully, by summers end I'll be over it. I also realized that Disney movies are really amazing. I watched like three in a row yesterday and it just made everything better for those like... wow was that really... what... six hours? Oh my god. Pathetic. Recently I'm really confused. One second I'll regret everything and then the next I'll be so proud of myself. I'm kind of stuck in between thinking i did the right thing and thinking i could have done so much better. If you're never going to see someone again you might as well go for it right? I'm not even sure what I'm talking about anymore. With me, this could probably apply to anything. I don't know anymore. I wish it was the beginning of June, maybe banquet. There are definitely things i could've... no should've done and didn't. I wish i wasn't so afraid. I want to be brave but some things get me sometimes and it sucks.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I hope St. Joseph falls INTO the sea.
Guess who's back? Well i have about an hour and ten minutes left of math and i cant play slime soccer for THAT long. So since i haven't blogged in so long i thought i'd grace you all with the pleasure of one of my rants. Okay maybe not a pleasure for you but definitely for me. I'm getting really upset reading over my signature book...thing. It's just upsetting. I mean yeah i want it filled up but it's sort of like im running around trying to get my proper goodbyes. I want proof that...hey i knew you. You were there. We were together. This really happened. So that when i'm in sea, i have something to fall back on...to get me through the next four years. But reading them is so sad. Especially the teachers. Oh my god Mr. Grahm. I had no idea teachers had such high expectations for me considering how much i goof off. But so i'm just in one of those moods where i'm realizing what's slipping away. It really is all leaving. So i guess...goodbye. Goodbye 75. Goodbye lunch with the guys. Goodbye dull Monday mornings in Social Studies. Gooddbye odd school activities and assemblies. Goodbye monitoring for Ms. Goldman. Goodbye hanging out in the library during class. Goodbye european handball in gym. Goodbye. It's going to be okay because you can't hold on to anything forever. Eventually everything slips away. I guess eventually is finally here.
I haven't posted in forever!! School might as well be over. I'm running around madly getting people to sign my book. Because if they don't i might forget them....Maybe i'm over reacting but i really really don't want to leave. I want to repeat Six Flags. Not banquet. I decided I didn't like banquet. Parts of it. But i mean next week.....we're graduating. This cannot be good. Can i handle this?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Okay banquet....absolutely amazing but somewhat suckish at the end. Sal-dear dear Sal... you saved my life! Your gorgeousness was a good distraction. But besides the fact that i was indeed quite dateless and all...it was fun. Btw Gab---you were a greeeat date. Honestly. Except when you twirled me into Estee's face. Note-it is SO not pathetic to dance with a bunch of other girls when a slow song comes on. Okay yeah it really is. I cried at the end for all different reasons none involving graduation at all. Lol. But... apparently my dress flew up? Thanks for informing me  immediately Fazp  

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

10 things....

Okay so this is my third post today! I'm sorry. Okay no i'm not. I mean what else am i expected to do. But this is going to be a belated birthday present to myself. I'm going to look on the bright side-all the good things that have happened since my LAST birthday.

1. I got over my fear of rollercoaster: Three-Nitro, El Toro and Batman...I'm not going to stoop low enough to count the Runaway Mine Train.
2. I'm sort of more comfortable with myself. I don't think i'm pretty or anything like that. But it does't really matter to me as much. I feel much less of a need to live up to other peoples standards. Who am i? Me: Childish, Stubborn, Annoying, Talkative, Loud, Naive, Impulsive, Passionate....so so many more. I don't think of it as a bad thing. Or a good thing. Just...me?
3. I wrote a hell of a lot. And every word that leaves my pen eases the tension...
4. I got a birthday card from dad. And i didn't reply. I don't need to. That part of my life-the insecure little girl that wants to go running back to daddy-is gone. I have the willpower to be independent if not for anyone else then for my own good.
5. I learned that when all else fails, all you need is some Aerosmith.
6. I learned that I pity the girls who feel the need to be human clones. To be unique is a distinctly good quality.
7. I cried a little here and there. But i'm strong enough to take whatevers waiting around the next corner.
8. I have a job application. I'm a working girl. I have my own income.
9. I know that when there's no one else to depend on, you have yourself to lean on. Only depend on others so much because if they let you down, it'll take a lot of energy to get back up again. I need to be strong for myself.
10. When i love someone, i can give myself to them, totally. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but i think it's important either way.
I'm in math again. I know-i'm in here way too often for comfort. I feel innocent today and i dont think i like it. Not innocent really....Vulnerable. Vulnerable and innocent and...naive. Majorly, so says Fazp. I want to deny it like i usually do but today its painstakingly clear that maybe...okay hell yeah i'm just too..trusting sometimes, when really...who is there to trust anymore? Am i going to spend every single damn day waiting to be poked...? Is it REALLY worth it?

El Toro!

Six Flags was amazing. Okay so i'm over my fear of rollercoasters. El Toro was absolutely breathtakingly amazing. On Nitro i kind of had time to enjoy the view on the way up which was...really nervewracking but El Toro just kind of didn't even give you time to think. It was maybe eight or mine rollercoaster minutes the whole day that just kind of...didn't LET me think. It was probably one of the best feelings in the world so i can't BELIEVE i've been missing out so much. I also did the cha cha slide...with tweety and sylvester..yeah. It seemed like a practical thing to do...at the time...somehow. But so it was really nice. Banquet is this Thursday. I'm more excited then i should be considering i've been to enough IS75 school functions and dances to know that they're REALLY not worth getting excited over but...whatever. I have this insanely gorgeous dress...it's really fun...it's really me and i'm reaallly excited to wear it...For one day i want to feel perfect. Because i know what it's like to feel perfect for just one second and then have it all slip away. For one night i want to be a princess with no problems who sweeps around in her gorgeous dress and feels like shes on top of the world. So thats what im going to do. I'm sitting in math right now actually and i feel fine. I dont THINK i accidentally swallowed any poison....Well i'm gunna go...do something. I should probably study. But i dont want to. Five test periods in a row is extremely tiring on a girl.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Yeah. Hey. It's me again. I stopped myself from writing but then i couldn't help thinking-great...what do i do now? And so here i am again. Typing, going through the motions, smiling and waving hi and bantering about senior banquet. Squealing, falling, getting up again, laughing all through lunch. That's me. I guess it's just the way i am. Is it possible to laugh through your pain but at the same time, while you know the pain is real the laughter is amazing-you know your laughing because something hysterical just set you off and so you're hysterical. Happily, painfully hysterical. It's amazing how many emotions the human body can juggle all at once while allowing each emotion to be felt equally. And i actually am excited about banquet-in a way. But sort of not. First it marks the end of junior high for me. It's like standing in front of a building thats slowly burning to the ground. You know it's done, gone-over. And you know you'll move on, buy a new house. But it's everything familiar and comforting. Everything you had left to hold on to for support slowly deteriorating around you. And you can't make it top. The dateless part doesn't bother me as much as, maybe, it should. I mean, first off a lot of girls are dateless. We're young. It's okay. I just...hmmm. Okay the words aren't coming. Now i'm done.

You feel so low you can't feel nothing at all.

Six Flags tomorrow! Well it might rain. Right now i'm feeling sort of like..crap. Which i want to rant about. Besides Fazp hasn't posted in a while so no one reads this damn blog anyway. It's just that you get this insane jumble of feelings you can barely control for someone who looks at you and sees nothing. I'm used to being nothing. Being seen as a nothing. I'm used to it and so damn sick of it. I don't want to be nothing. I don't want every emotion i feel to be a waste not to mention a plague on the person i'm feeling them for. I'm totally at a loss, split in between. I don't know what's happening anymore but i wish i did. Feeling ignored and unwanted and noticeably flawed and insignificant and so so used. I need to mean more to myself then all that...right? Those times every once in a lifetime that you feel so perfect you can do anything, you can be anyone-it's the exact opposite. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. So i won't. I'm a good person. I think. But is that enough to keep me going? For how long can i stay like this, totally worthlessly forgotten by everyone that i cared about. And what's really sinking in is that while you can say you're over it, you're done, you're through, you're untouchable, not vulnerable, moving on it doesnt mean it's neccesarily true. And despite popular belief-you can say all those things over and over and over. It's nice for you to hear, comforting for the people around you to hear and maybe a good support system to keep you standing strong. But even so, it's not true. And you know what else? If you believe hard enough-things don't go your way either. And the worst part is knowing that even if things good work out-they can't. If that makes any sense.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Its my birthday!! Well technically its not my birthday yet. But whatever. Who gives a crap about technicalities. And no school Monday! Six Flags Friday. So really-school is pretty much done. SO i'm in a good mood. No one spoil it. *Growls* 

Friday, May 22, 2009

She thinks she's in love. She thinks shes in Spain. She isn't in love. She's merely insane!

Okay listen to this: I'm in math....playing Stagknight. Not taking the regents is officially the best thing thats ever happened to me....all year. Emotion check: Not so good but yet somehow still amazing. I still just can't keep everything under control. When i'm home alone i can convince myself i'm fine but once i'm actually there those feelings just roar to life again. It's eating me alive and i think i like it. Problem is i shouldn't. Yes i'm being vague but hey i can only say so much on a public blog. Blogspot wasn't invented for me to rant about all my issues (even if they're more important than everyone else's. kidding. obviously) . But whatever. I saw West Side Story again last night and for once i'm totally unashamed to admit i cried my eyes out. Fuck you Chino. Ahem. Sorry. Emotions got the better of me. Which they seem to have been doing a lot lately actually. Gab-world class confuser in q and a. I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe i'm the type of girl a guy could love but let's face it: i'm not that type of person. I'm not one of those girls that turns heads, that gets whispered about by the guys at lunch. I never really wanted to be. But for once i'm just considering that it sucks. Fazp...still looking for a birthday present for you. Yeah i know. It's almost my birthday and i still haven't found anything for you. Sucks. Oh well. Try try again....

Saturday, May 16, 2009

So who would you rather die. *amazed look* Ok... who would you rather not die MORE.

Long time no write, i guess. Oh. Fazp's song is officially on vimeo.com so look it up. It's on my ipod. "She helps her fans too" LOL. I'm happy today. Sort of. Screaming out to Picture to Burn. Speaking of Taylor Swift, i was watching her on youtube and cracking up. There's these clips of her after the breakup with Joe Jonas and she's holding up the doll of him and she's like "Oh look, it comes with a phone. So he could break up with other dolls!". I don't know why but it just made my day. Hey look I'm not the only bitter one. And on this interview, they asked Justin Timberlake why boys are jerks: he didn't even argue. He just kind of tried desperately to elaborate. Because even guys have to hit that certain age where you can't go on denying your own immaturity. "Ghost of My Girlfriends Past" was amazingly funny and at some points... sort of enlightening. "Am i too late? Is it Christmas?" "No you moron. It's Saturday". The funny is wearing off. Sort of. Not really. Gab heard that line and like catapulted herself to the floor. I thought she was crying. Amazing movie. I want to see it again tonight. Arista Wednesday. Great. More physical and mental assault...i mean... lovely entertainment, from the Paulo IS75 8th Chorus.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Yea, Fazp, Right

Yes ignore Fazp's latest blog because she's bluffing. I think she needs to bluff to herself just because...she has to...But don't let it fool you. Move on with your lives knowing what you know.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

You Can't Stop The Beat (unfortunately).

Tiring week. Today was okay i suppose. No math! A day without Ms. Chan can't rightly be referred to as a bad one. We had that award ceremony thing which wasn't THAT bad. I send my undying love to the Paulo 8th Grade Chorus. Oh yes. Simply amazing. WOW is that really all i have to say? Well i'd also like to say that i AM going to senior banquet. I have a DRESS. It's so amazing. Really. Yeah so. WOW that's it i think. I don't know whether to be amused or upset.   

Monday, May 11, 2009

Hey...

What is it about that one 'hey' that turns your slowly spiralling day into a dream come true even when it shouldn't make a bit of difference at all?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Happy Fourteenth Fazp!

Ok so i feel like i dropped off the face of the Earth...I haven't been to school in a while and haven't seen or heard from anyone since then. It's almost scary what with my only contact being my extremely irritable mom and increasingly sleepy grandma. So yeah not an exciting week. Except i forgot to post that Wednesday was that girls birthday...what was her name again? I seem to have FORGOTTEN since i've been cooped up in my house for days on end. Oh. Fazp. Yes. And her party was supposed to be today. The party i was helping to plan. That party. But now i'm not sure what's going on since i haven't heard from the other girl either. Gab i think. Kidding. Kind of. Well no doubt i'm feeling better. I'm not coughing as much. And my voice is almost totally back. *Crosses fingers i didn't just jinx it* But that stupid doctor guy got all freaked and said i should stay home. So here i am sitting at the computer crossing my fingers. I know: exciting. First time in so long i can honestly say i miss school. On Wednesday Mr. Grahm said to NOT be absent the next day and i was like you got it dude and then...stupid doctor guy.....I miss everyone and i miss Mr. Murphy's corny but amusing jokes and Mr. Grahm and even *gasp* Princess himself. Yes, i went there. Apparently you CAN watch Grease, Gone With The Wind, Princess Bride and West Side Story TOO MUCH. I didn't think it was possible but eventually you get tired of whiny women in poofy dresses and poodle skirts chasing after men. On the bright side, i picked out my own tissue box today. He's purple with little flowers and his name is Craig the 3rd. Note: Please do not laugh. This is the most exciting thing that's happened in the last two days. Current Empty Tissue Box Count: 7
Yes i emptied 7 boxes of tissues in two days. World record book here i come.
On that note i bid you farewell.

HAPPY FOURTEENTH FAZP

P.S.
I'm at a loss as to what to get Fazp for her birthday. I was finally out in society today (yes i left the house and went to Targets with my mom. what a rebel) and no matter how hard i looked i came up empty. There's music options. I saw a gigantic squirrel stuffed animal she'd probably have greatly enjoyed. Ahem. But she never brings up what she wants materialistically speaking so...Help me out here Fazp unless you want to end up with an 100 box set of crayons or a bratz doll.

Monday, April 27, 2009

I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive...

What do i want? I'm not sure anymore. It's like all this time i've been desperately chasing after something but i don't know what. Or maybe i do know what but i don't want to. And it scares me. Scares me that something so strong can last for so damn long. Something you like but you just know you're not supposed to. You want it to go away but at the same time you couldn't bare it if it actually did. Confusing. Gab's gorgeous heart throb wasn't at lunch today. Hope he's not sick. Six Flags is in less then a month. I'm excited. I'm going on a roller-coaster. But at the same time i don't really want it to come. I'm terrified. The last days of my young life are slipping through my fingers like sand and it's really hitting me that i can never get them back. Sure, years from now i'll remember it... But i'll be older and maybe even.... mature. Is it POSSIBLE for me to be MATURE? And i'll never see anyone again. Everyone is splitting up. I really really really don't want lose this. I'm childish. Childish and going to high school. Will i ever laugh again? Ok totally over-reacting. Of course i will. BUT IT WILL BE EMPTY AND SHALLOW AND PAINFUL TO HEAR. Ok still over-reacting. Oh god this can't be happening. I was never one of those girls...I hate them... when they go on spring break and come back all teary eyed and start hugging their friends like it's been years. But now it's forever. Forever. By the end of June, i'll never get lost on the way to the bathroom or sarcastically imitate Herman then duck down when he walks by or laugh at Princess and spin around on his plush chair with tape ball when I'm supposed to be in Ms. Chan's 37 minutes. I'll never have my hair braided in gym or dance to my ipod on the bus ride home or sit at the guys lunch table and pretend not to understand their disgusting and unnecessary, but actually somewhat amusing, jokes. Nothing will ever be the same. 

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Sometimes you think you know everything. You think you're on top. But theres always something around the corner to knock you down.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Piece me back together when I'm falling apart...

Ok i haven't blogged. So sue me. Oh and i just read something in a magazine that made me half laugh half cry: When a guy is considering a girl for a date and like... the aspects of her appearance and all, he considers her using the right side of the brain. When a girl is considering a guy for a date, she considers him using the right side of the brain. Amusingly (but somehow almost predictably) enough, the right side of the brain controls logic while the left side is the part of your brain that triggers the imagination. Which is why almost 70% of successful marriages began with the man choosing the woman and not the opposite way around. Hysterical right? Ha. No. But it's weird how unsurprised i am. I mean it.. it makes so much sense.... Today went well enough. We had gym so only one period math and no language. Wednesdays are my favorite schedule. Not that it's FUN or anything but better then listening to some old italian man babble about the proper way to prepare yourself to go mushroom picking even though he's supposed to be teaching you ITALIAN (don't ask, just don't ask). Ok emotions are high today admittedly. Ok practically swelling. Which is OK. Because if i learned one important thing recently, it's that emotions can be suppressed. And when you learn to suppress them, they eventually just give up and go away. Like the little kids on my block when they keep on asking to play Strawberry Shortcake. Ok random. Ignore that. And GAB, fine don't believe me but i definitely thought about some things today and, while "the kid" who sits with us at "lunch" is still painstakingly gorgeous, i don't really think of him as much more then a friend. There's definitely no real feelings for him there. It's just looking at a pretty picture for the sake of looking at a pretty picture. But there's nothing else. Not that it matters even if i did because he has a girlfriend and from the way the guys acted at lunch when he told them he goes through them pretty fast. Hah. Not surprising in the least. Besides i have better things to think about then guys in general. Sort of. Well maybe not REALLY but thats only cause there isn't much else to think about, really. Like i said, good day so far. On the subject of guys, i've learned to accept that no matter how annoying they are i really can't live without them, but it never ceases to amaze me how truly OBNOXIOUS they really can be. And i've noticed that almost ALWAYS, their lame and corny jokes revolve around gender identity loss and sexual content even i do not feel the need to go into. That's how bad it is. But I'm alright with that. Oh, new girl in the class. She seems nice enough. The guys definitely seem to have taking a liking to her. I wonder why....hmmmmm... pssht.     

Monday, April 13, 2009

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Ok so the weekends been really boring. Really. Pretty upsetting too. My mom's in a mood, pissed at me but i'm not sure why. Which, while not exactly devastating, is kind of starting to get a little unsettling, what with her total insistence on not even aknowledging my existence and all. And i'm pissed at her too. She can wait for a fake apology as long as she wants but i have enough to worry about. Conflicted emotions. Not in the mood for her drama. I mean i know she has problems but i have them too. I hate that people call you selfish and then complain about stupid little things like getting up early and working overtime. Thats life. Thats neccesary unless you want to be homeless and starve to death. But that's not pain or extreme emotional conflict or anything that you can't DEAL with. So just DEAL with it and leave me alone. The last two days i was kind of trapped in my own little world. I spent the whole 48 hours *no sleep* watching Grease and Grease 2 which by the way sucks quite horribly, listening to music and reading. I guess today i kind of woke up. It was freaky. I'm tired out. Fazp i'm totally ready for your mall idea. Hit me with your best shot, k?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

And even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny these butterflies?

Ok so i'm in social studies. It's the last day til' vacation. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, really. But i'll take it, either way. Besides, it's easy to get through the day knowing that tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, i can sleep as late as i want. Sometimes i can't stand school. But i'm gunna miss it, all the same. But then, i can't really complain about vacation, especially considering that easter comes along with it. Besides that the whole 'vacation is coming' thing, i don't have much to say really. So i'm gunna go...uh and play pacman. Or something.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Baby i was naive, got lost in your eyes, never even had a chance...

Right now i just can't take it anymore. I need change. I mean comeon. I grew up totally guy free in an all girl household. I took care of myself and thats the way it's always been. I hung out with the guys when i was little because...well because i could. Since i hit...what six maybe?...it's been my thing. My shield. My brave face, convinced i didnt need anyone but myself and that i could handle anything all alone. And, to a certain extent, i still can. Take care of myself i mean. But it's like my whole "shield" is slipping. Lately i've been so dependant. And i've always felt like the only person i can really trust is myself. And more and more lately i've felt like i need someone to help keep me up. Like maybe i really can't do this all on my own and maybe i do NEED things. And it scares me. Because suddenly i feel alone. Really alone. My "ex" closest friend never wants to talk to me again and of course i act like i don't care, like she was horrible and it's all funny to me and i don't care. And she was horrible. And i do care. And it hurts like hell. I never thought i needed her but i guess it was because i had her. And now i'm going to high school next year and everyone that cares about me, or i think cares about me, will be leaving and soon they'll forget about me and probably not remember i exist by the time they're halfway through freshman year. Yeah it stings like hell. And then these feelings i cant explain for the life of me. Everywhere. Major harmonal rush. I don't even know anymore. I don't think i can handle this on my own. And it feels like everytime i blink i'm growing up and i don't like it. I really really dont like it. How can i still be myself when i'm in highschool? When i'm in college? When i have a career? And i don't know what's going to happen between now and then. And no matter how impulsive i may be, i can't be in control without knowing whats coming. And i'm so scared. And god i can't believe i wrote all this and i'm going to delete it..really soon...

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

This is when i say i had enough, no one should ever feel the way i feel now.....!

Ok so i don't know what to say. It was a really good day. I don't know why. Ok maybe i have a smidgen of a pinprick of an idea why, maybe. But i would sound so pathetic. And so moving on then. Fazp we're not having a band because i can't play. It's not that it doesn't sound fun and all but truthfully i'm lucky i know what a piano is let alone play it. I swear you won't be impressed. And so there's no way that, in front of talented musicians and vocalists such as yourself, vrai and jay, that i can make a fool of myself. But, like i said before, i will so totally come to every practice and maybe...be a manager. We'll figure it out. You could get Cate for keyboard if you really need (even though plenty of good bands don't have keyboard not to mention plenty of bad ones do) but if she actually agreed, which is by the way doubtful, i wouldn't be able to go near you. I swear her mom probably put out a restraining order by now. I don't want to get arrested. But anyways, vacation is coming up and...i'm really excited because...you're damn straight bunnies, chocolate eggs, and baskets full of candy and toys beats school and Mrs. Chan. I love easter...Yea call me a two year old but painting eggs is like....i mean i don't know. Is it possible to grow out of that? I mean you don't grow out of putting up Christmas trees, right? So isn't this the same concept...kind of? Well i'm in a good mood so don't go and ruin it for me by saying that you do. Grow out of it, that is.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Funny What They Say About Finding One Friend, Losing Another

Ok so the game was fun. We won but i think the teachers let us. They're saying it was a "Landslide Victory" quote, unquote but thats impossible. When there were like 7 seconds left of the game our team was taking penalty shots (for some unknown and probably fake reason) and then the kid missed twice. And somehow they let him keep trying. Penalty SHOT not penalty SHOTS. And then, would you look at that?, we made it in after like the umpteenth try. Well no shit. So, personally, i think it was all rigged, which i must say was nice enough of the teachers but, being overly-competitive myself, i would have rather tied then won because the teachers kept on making up penalty shots for us. I was so upset though because i was going to be in the game and all but i was out...I'm always absent as the gym teacher so politely pointed out to me, so i didn't have a chance to sign up for tryouts. But basketball is one sport i'm confident i can play well. But that's alright because watching was just as exciting as playing (almost, ok not really but it was still pretty cool). I think i screamed THE GM and NAT-ROD till my lungs gave out. I was going pretty crazy actually and it was nice. I think it was all that snapple that got to me. Whenever i have snapple at a crowded place i kind of "let loose". I think our FAZP here was just suffering from After-Christina high. It wore off halfway through though. But besides the game nothing interestings happened. Nothing in a long time really...Except i haven't been on for so long that i never said that Jay is talking to me again. It's so nice to be able to talk to him and not have to worry and know hes there. But i wonder sometimes if he still thinks of me the same way he did before. If not i guess its understandable. But i wont think about that. Right now its just so good to have him back i dont even care if he secretly wants to drop a safe on my head ( like who doesnt anyway?) even though, here's hoping, he doesn't seem like he does.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

You better shape up! Cause i need a man. And my heart is set on you...

It's been forever since the last time i posted as Fazp pointed out to me today. That kind of freaks me out. But i guess i just lost track of time... Well I'm kind of suffering Grease fever right now... I mean i must have listened to You're The One That I Want like a billion times today. It's pathetic. I mean what's the point? I know all the lyrics since i've been watching it since i was like in the womb... But i was watching it (once again) today since I'm home sick for reasons i cannot disclose but anyway, i was watching it and it just struck me as how realistic Danny's personality is. I mean he's such a sweetheart during the summer and all and then as soon as he's with his friends he's so disgustingly in-mature and vain that he has to show off and not even bother himself with the fact that he just broke her heart. And then he goes and calls her and apologizes and everything is just peachy keen. Why does it feel sometimes like we're all girls in a guy's world?   

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

....So Much Is Wrong With America...

Ok wow. So... where to start? Alright i tried to email Jay and i realized that what's done is done...He wants his money back and i don't have any money to give to him since we're going through extremely bad financial issues right now and I'm sorry if it's more important that we pay the bills on our one income. Note: This is the last time i'll be using names on my blog. Every time i type someone's name i get this dinging noise in my head like DONT DO THAT and i don't know why but that whole subject is officially done with. I poured my heart out to him and now I'm embarrassed i bothered to.  Let's move on, shall we? Ok i need a topic that's school friendly for a persuasive essay. And so i was looking and i found a lot. Vrai is thinking about doing abortion and she found this website. We're both a bit afraid to click the link.  The Silent Scream. I'm going to make this into a challenge. Is anyone brave enough to click this for Vrai? It came with this warning. "WARNING: The Silent Scream website graphically shows an abortion 11 weeks after conception and should not be viewed by children." But besides that, so many topics came up and i really found myself questioning today's society. Like hunting for sport. What, may i ask, is so sporting and enjoyable about walking around with a gun and shooting living, breathing animals for no apparent reason. It's disgusting behavior, especially for a "mature" adult. It's selfish to actually shoot and kill an animal with a life and a family for your own amusement. I mean come on. Go buy a video game and shoot some aliens but leave our animals alone. And I'm disgusted with our country for actually HANDING OUT HUNTING LICENSEES AND ALLOWING THIS TO BE LEGAL. Another thing is how today seems to be fortifying and containing American's right to their individuality. Especially children. In school, we're not even allowed to discuss the presidential election with our social studies teachers. What the hell good are social studies teachers then? Giving out your own political opinion always makes political lessons seem more interesting; less like lessons and more like arguments or discussions where the teacher and the student are seen as equals. Is that why the Department of Education and the principals of our schools have such a big thing against even letting the teachers mention who they voted for in passing? Adolescents are sadly underestimated and it's because of undereducated, uncaring teens that give the few of us who are hardworking, independent American teens bad reputations. And instead of bothering to separate those first and second categories, junior high-schools treat us like toddlers. I have never heard a more demeaning set of words then "Silent Lunch". Who does he think he is walking around and telling us we have to be quiet? Well you know what? Bite me. Being silent during my lunch period while you rant into your little microphone is not going to increase my intelligence nor will it help me to grow more mature. In school, we should be taught to stand up for our beliefs, not sit down and be quiet and let people, no matter who they are, walk all over you. I'm thoroughly disappointed in New York as of now.  

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Wouldn't It Be Nice If Reality Had a Reset Button?

I feel like i'm losing myself and i don't know what to do. Over this one year, i've lost so much. My two closest friends, my future dreams, and my control. I don't know what's going to happen now. I can't see the future anymore. I don't know what's going to happen to me; what i'm going to do, who i'm going to be, what i'm going to make of myself. I don't want to go to highschool. I want to rewind a few months. I want to apologize to cate's angry, scary mom and give jays zune back to him and handle problems differently then i did. I wish i could go back and change the things i did but i don't know how. I wish i didn't have to stand up for myself. I wish for once, just once, i would give in because in the long run, it doesn't make a difference. I wish i could change everything. All the what if's are going through my mind and it hurts. The last blog i made today, i was feeling this but i didn't know if this was too private to post here but i need to vent it and that's what i made this blog for in the first place. It's because of my selfish pride that i'm sitting here today going through the what if's? So what IF i did think cate's mom gave me a creepy look. Did i have to say it? Because it would have made all the difference. And what IF i'm irresponsible. Did i have to be so careless and lose it? Because, again it would have made a world of difference. Everything i do has reprocussions and none of them are good. I don't know how to deal with myself. I never make the right decisions. Ever. Am i just a horrible person? Because...even the two people i mentioned think im a liar. And they were so important to me. They knew me so well. So is it even remotely possible they're both wrong? I don't know what to think. I really wish i could just go back in time. In video games there's always a reset button. Wouldn't it be nice if reality had a reset button?

Innocence Is Gone

Alright well something's really been bugging me lately and it's that kids today are growing up too quickly. I feel like we don't have time to enjoy our childhood. We're maturing too fast. Only we're not really maturing, it's a mangled teenage version of maturity; having sex and getting pregnant when you're 14 isn't mature or responsible. It's just a sign that you're trying to grow up before you're ready to. But i don't want to grow up. I like my age and i like knowing that i'm irresponsible and inmature and...i'm not old enough to lose that yet. None of us ever really lose that inmaturity but as we age, that childishness and carelessness gets buried under the weight of all those years. And we're so young! Why lose what we have now when we can't have it later? But it's not all our faults. Perhaps it's just the way it is today. It's hard to be innocent when words like "fuck" and the subject of "boffing" is thrown around in everyday conversation so lightly. It's not that i don't say them myself or that i disapprove, it's just the truth. I mean, for example, in the 60's, if a boy touched a girl in the "upper" or "lower" or "back" sections she would probably slap him, not that a boy would even do that. But today the girl would say absolutely nothing because it would be nothing out of the ordinary to her. But we're so young. We're not ready for that yet and we'd be stupid to fool ourselves into thinking we are. Dating, commitment , kissing, "hooking up". Fine. But not anything more. And i hate that so many people think it's "cool" to have sex and do drugs and everything because it's not cool. It's retarded and i'm sorry to say so, but if you're one of those people, YOU'RE retarded. Not to be rude. Even though, oh shucks, that was pretty rude. Our innocence is gone. And you know what, it shouldn't be. And i dont know about you, but i'm planning on doing everything i can to stay that way for as long as possible. Because i'm a kid. And that doesn't bother me. And i don't want to rush it. I also think that it's time i took control of my life and stop letting my heart lead me. My heart led me once and where did i end up? Nowhere good. It's time i ignored my heart. Instead of following my heart, it's time i learn to lead it.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Be Careful What You Wish For

Alright so guys officially suck. All of them. Most of them. No. I'm not blaming guys anymore. People suck, not JUST guys. They're so obnoxious and spiteful and hurtful. They just crash right through you like you're not even there and rip your life apart. And each person in your life rips at that tiny little hole in the fabric, each person adding a little more to it until it just bursts. And i think i just did so anyone in the immediate area, i advise you to dial 911 because i am officially off my rocker. I can't take it anymore i just can't. I wanted crazy emotions right? I felt empty. Well what the heck. Be careful what you wish for.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Need to Vent...

Ok hey. I'm in Social Studies but so far we haven't really done anything much. I think we're on the laptops for a reason but i don't really care. I'm kind of lonely since Fazp and Vrai are both out monitoring for Sir Pain In The Ass (Reinhold even though lately he hasn't been as bad. i think he's learning that when a kid says something private it applies just as much as it would if an adult said it and that he has no right to butt in) but besides that i'm just glad it's a Thursday. I can't complain because the week went pretty quick. On the other hand, i can complain because i might have to go to a catholic school. Actually i think i definitely have to. And it's not that i have anything against my religion and all...but i don't do uniforms. Only, apparently, now i do. I mean the school is gorgeous and all. I got a chorus invite but i just can't sing in public. But then, would it be stupid of me to turn down doing something i love for the sake of my own embarassment? Well i think im going to get caught and the last thing i want is for this to be read out loud to the whole class so...i'll post later. I really need to vent and this just wasn't enough venting time.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Empty...?

Ok wow...i keep on neglecting my blog. It's not that i forget it's just that every time i think of it lately, the thought that comes up is...yea so what'r you going to write? And it's so true. Nothing has happened. Nothing. It's practically embarassing but it's true. Yeah we had a snow day. Yeah i had a fun weekend. But nothing really important or, rather, heart warming has happened and i haven't felt anything deep (happy or sad) in so long im beginning to wonder if it's possible to go numb (in the emotional way that is) because if it is, i think that clears everything up just fine. I looked it up online and it's not a condition; it's a state of mind. According to wikipedia and several other reliable sources, i'm trying to save me from myself which is basically my translation of all the scientific crap. Another words, i'm trying to hide everything i'm feeling to save myself from any future pain that could be anything like what it was. But then why do i want the feeling back if i'm keeping it from myself? And how am i doing this to myself without even knowing. I feel so lost. Like i'm empty and im falling through a hole like alice in wonderland and i dont remember where it started but i wish i knew where or if it was going to end.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Week Is Almost Over!...and omigod am i ranting AGAIN?

It's been a few days since i last posted but, hey, i'm lucky to be alive after my mom saw my math average. It was low, just a tad. Ok, admittedly, i was really upset but i made it into the honors society so it won't seem half as bad. Not that i deserve it. I mean who gets awards for practically failing? I guess I'm just lucky. But i feel stupid. That award could have been given to someone who
a) cared more and
b) had a justifiable reason to be getting it in the first place
But there's nothing i can do about it. I hate that feeling of watching something horrible happening and you just have to sit back and eat your popcorn and let it all happen because there's honestly nothing you can do. That doesn't happen to me very often. I have a thing for taking action, even when it's obvious i should just give it a rest. I have a habit of dragging out the smallest things; little fights with my mom become full out screaming fits because i can't help saying whatever pops up into my head (which is usually "bitter, sarcastic and disrespectful) as she likes to put it. But i can't help that i want to stand up for myself...maybe a bit too much but, it can't be helped. I don't like listening: period. I'm not rebellious, i just have a mind of my own and i don't care if you're my mom or my teacher or what, i have the right to my own opinion and i also have the right to apply that to whatever you told me to do and decide to do it my own way. And, actually, it's not one of the (many) things i want to change about myself. I like knowing that i'm stubborn because i know i don't ever really have to give up or cave in. If the cost of that is being overly passionate about everything, then so be it. Weird, i forgot how i even got on this subject. Well anyway, all i really planned on saying when i started to blog was that it's amazing the week is finally close to finished.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ok so i haven't really posted in a while. I'm upset because tomorrow marks the start of school again. Soon it'll be March and we won't be off for a whole month which is....very troubling to say the least. Ok so i never took Fazp ice skating but i can assure you, we are definitely going. Soon. Maybe this week on Sunday? And i had a nice vacation, it's not that i didn't appreciate it. It's just that i wish there had been more time to...well it wasn't really very exciting. I didn't get much done. I'm not halfway done with my math homework and i have a science essay to finish and i didn't even start on my CA project. And now highschool is looming nearer and nearer and it's just...everything is happening too fast. I don't really want to leave intermediate. In fact, i still miss elementary. Everyone says high school is great. You have more freedom, you're treated more like an adult. Well, the point is i'm not an adult. I'm barely a teenager! And maybe i miss being a kid and all the simpler things. High school is not something i'm looking forward to. And it took me so long to make friends where i am now...Well to form CLOSE friendships. And now everyones leaving. And all we had was three years? It seems like such a waste of time that when you're finally learning to accept who you are and the way your life is, it changes again. It's so frustrating. But maybe that's what it means to live. Don't get me wrong, i'm good at adapting to change. I'm used to it. But it doesn't mean i dont suffer internally because of it. I feel like i wasted my childhood. Like i have no decent memories and it sucks that i can't go back and change that. And now they say this is the worst age? The drug accepting, peer pressured, concert going, underage drinking, harley riding age that, unfortunately, can make or break you? It's so confusing. I just want to go to bed but i hate that lingering feeling you get before you drift off that, yeah, you're safe for now but your problems will come right back when you wakeup. But you know what? I'll worry about it when i wake up.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ok so i'm happy for them. I really am. Even if there's a lot of doubtful people out there. If you don't know who i'm talking about you probably shouldn't be reading this blog. But I am. I feel horrible that Fazp is suffering IM attacks from everyone about it (especially Vrai and Natalie) but in all honesty, it's her choice and sometimes love makes our decisions for us and maybe we like it and maybe..maybe we dont sometimes but thats inevitably the way it is. Ok i saw this coming for a while now and no one believed me. I think it's a good thing. Maybe people need a break from eachother sometimes..but it doesn't mean you don't love them right? Even if you both have funny ways of showing it. Sometimes you strike back when you're in pain if you know what i mean....Oh you probably don't. No one ever really understands what im physco babbling about. But...It was a big surprise today on Fazp's computer screen but...i'm happy for her. But we made a promise. She's not going to close her eyes this time. Not even blink. Not for a second. I just hope shes not already falling asleep...Well besides that today was fun...I watched anime for a while and that stupid obnoxious guy with the big eyes keeps walking away from the girl with the pink hair. I was very very upset. And i met Fazp's sister scary doll (which if you ask me is a really dumb name. how does the poor thing feel going out in public?) and...i walked around outside for a little just to think and now...i'm here. Well you're welcome for enlightening you because i'm sure you actually enjoyed reading this. Auvoir.

Monday, February 16, 2009

The Top 100 Qualities of the Perfect Boyfriend

So me and Fazp were talking and (mostly out of pure boredom) we started a little game. Who would have guessed it would lead to a list of the 100 qualities that make the perfect boyfriend (i get him. Fazp gets his brother because her theory is they were raised the same). Wow. I had no idea up 'til now that we had such high expectations. Apparently we do not that most of them are fulfilled. Ok so here goes. Oh and cut us some slack for the abbreviations, typos and such. We were instant messaging and we were in a mad rush to type all this up. It was fun! We took turns so comment and try to guess who wrote even and who wrote odd!

Here goes:
1. Always takes your side in public arguements, even when he doesnt 100% agree with you.
2. Never tells you how to act because all he really wants is for you to be yourself
3. Calls on a regular basis. (But not routinely cuz that gets boring) just at random, but you get called.
4. Doesnt love you for the way you look or the way you kiss and if you dont want to kiss for like...a year then he'll be prepared to wait forever
5. Doesnt have a favorite outfit or way you do you're hair. He loves you in everything. (I mean, he secretly has his favorite, but he doesnt make it known, and he doesnt grow out of telling you how good you look at random)
6. Never puts you on the spot and makes you feel humiliated or embarassed and if someone else does this he stands up for you.
7. He likes to just hang out and sit on the floor with his guitar, but doesnt make you feel bad if you secretly just wanna sit rly close and hold hands in the dark.
8. He never makes you feel stupid because you dont want to have sex and if you feel uncomfortable and tell him you dont want his hands on your ass or your not ready yet he repsects that and just kisses you on the forehead and nods.
9. Then again, if you happened to want his hand on ur ass, or in your back pocket, he understands and has common attraction towards this.
10. And if he knows that you enjoyed every second of this and your totally head over heels in love with him he doesnt use that as his card to play when he wants you to do something. He lets you make your own choices unless you honestly want his opinion.
11. And he doesnt pressure you into giving him yours. But he always secretly hopes you do. Cause he wants you to be comfortable.
12. And his number one priority is your happiness. He might take you to a really exspensive concert but really all he wants to do is play tag with you outside in the middle of the night. Whatever he does he wants you to like it.
13. The minute his feelings change he lets you know. He can always say he didnt mean it later. But if he's trying to figure himself out, he tells you.
14. And he never laughs AT you, he laughs WITH you and if you tell him you happen to sleep with your mom when you have nightmares about him dying he doesnt laugh and he DEFINITELY doesnt even THINK oh my god what would the world be without me? that IS a nightmare
15. He doesnt get offended if you make a trite remark against him when its just you and him. He knows you didnt mean it, and no matter how sensitive he truly is, he doesnt take it seriously.
16. He's really honest with you and he knows that if there's something serious he cant hold it in and he can share anything with you because he trusts you.
17. Compromising may not be in his nature, but he cant make all you're decisions for you. And he doesnt. He respects you and you're ideas. (Which i guess is kinda two...but w/e)
18. He comforts you when you need it and when you're watching a horrifying movie he lets you hide under his arm and he laughs and kisses you and tells you that if anyone laid a finger on you he'd have to kill them.
19. He doesnt get jealous when you talk to other guys and is totally secure in your relationship--even when u aforementionally stop kissing him for a year.
20. He never gets tired of being around you. In fact he doesnt get tired of you PERIOD. Hes willing to devote every second of every minute of every day to you and even when hes super busy he always finds time to give you a text to check up on you.
21. But...if you need a moment to yourself, he doesnt give you that wounded puppy look. He understands.
22. He understands your PMS and your twisted emotions even if his are peachy keen so he never gets mad at you for sending mixed signs or going from ecstatic to depressed in 3 seconds flat. Even if hes really confused he has patience with you and makes you feel better not worse.
23. He likes when you dont do your hair...or arent wearing makeup and he makes it well-known.
24. If hes over a friends house and his friend says YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A WEIRDO he doesnt say yeah i know i was gunna break up with her...he says what'd you say!? say it again and this brick connects with your face!
25. At a family party he doesnt get totally freaked out when his aunts decide to look through baby pictures.
26.If you have a nightmare, you know you can call him at 6 in the morning and cry for the remainder of the night and he wont even yawn once even if hes so tired he wants to throw the phone at the wall and snore to his hearts content.
27. And when he does comfort you, he doesnt use it as a "look how good i am" later on.
28.He's not arrogant whatsoever and if he is a bit and it really cant be helped hes still very humble about. The only thing he likes to brag about is you and he can find endless delight in babbling about you for hours because thats how much you mean to him.
29. Even though he wanted to hang out with his friends this weekend, he misses you because you guys couldnt be together last weekend, and insists to you that his friends will understand, even if he doesnt think they will.
30. He doesnt do all these nice things to put him in a good light or even to impress you. It's just natural instinct because hes a nice person.
31. But....once in a while he tells you "sorry but i rly need to hang out with the guys today" just so you know he cant always be there.
32.When you have too much sugar and your bouncing off the walls and your happy beyond the average happiness he thinks its cute but he treats you like he normally would hoping it will wear off soon. He doesnt provoke you, make fun of your weirdness or make an excuse to go somewhere..far away....like Alaska.
33. Never tells you how hot your friends are.34) Is very casual but SOMETIMES goes out and goes over the top romantic and takes you for a walk on the beach or to an amusement park and he doesnt move away when you scream and latch onto him on the rollercoaster.
35. And doesnt tell his friends that he's disappointed you didnt hookup yet.
36. And if he is he confides in you privately.
37. He doesnt take his petty gf problems on a public blog.
38. And he doesnt ever dare to assume that he means the world to you even if you mean the world to him because he always has that possiblity in the back of his mind that hes not good enough. Insecurities are normal.
39. He respects your need for an occaisional PDA and satisfies said need.
40. He never expects anything of you. He doesnt expect you to make the first move, start the first sentence of a conversation or anything else that puts the pressure on you. He can depend on you but he doesnt want to embarass you.
41. NEVER EVER compares you to other girls or *gasp* ex gfs.
42. And if he absolutely must it puts the other girl down not you. AKA: i think my relationship with you is more real then it was in my last or you put every other girl to shame. There shall be no: You wont kiss me? my OTHER girlfriend kissed me the day i asked her out!
43. Respects your occaisional need to tell him how horrible guys are atEVERYTHING.44) And instead of making up stupid excuses he just nods and admits to all his flaws and then even makes a game out of it for you to vent.
45. Doesnt insist you do something just because he is.
46. And when you tell him said friends ARE idiots he defends them but not in a mean way. He makes it clear that he likes them but he likes you MORE.
47. Knows he's not perfect and doesnt insist he is (and doesnt insist you are either)
48. Doesnt over assert his masculinity. AKA: Doesnt assume he gets to "wear the pants" in the relationship because he has more testosterone and a dick.
49. Knows sometimes you just wanna be whispered to and dont wanna think or talk or anything.
50.Doesnt hint around about something private, wait for you to ask and then make up an excuse not to tell you just because he knows you'll spend the rest of the day trying to find out what it is he wont tell you.
51. Doesnt expect you to read minds and know what he's thinking. Just because he sees something his way, doesnt mean you will.
52. And if he reads all this he wont say GIRLS DONT REALLY EXPECT US TO DO ALL THIS! he'll say..wow i wish i could be this great for your sake
53. Knows that he isnt the perfect bf but nvr stops trying. And doesnt point that little fact out for you.
54. Truly believes in his heart that he would sacrifice his life for yours because when hes up late at night thinking about what he would do if you were dead he shakes his head and thinks about other things because the thought just doesnt register.
55. Doesnt talk about you two together in matching rocking chairs if he doesnt honestly believe you'll get there.
56. And he never tries to impress you because he knows that either you like him for who he is or the relationship isnt worth a cent.
57. Loves everything wrong with you, and tells his friends the cute mistakes you make. Even when they look at him weird.
58. He knows all your stupid little pet peeves and all your favorite things and on valentines day instead of a box of chocolates he gets you your favorite album or your favorite flavor ice cream just because he knows what it is.
59. NEVER says "idk what to tell ya."
60. Is prepared to conform to your stupidity if it makes you smile. Like play Mario Kart for 7 straight hours with you or watch the Sound of Music a billion times even when hes ready to just smash the TV screen if he hears one more nun sing about some lady named Maria.
61. Doesnt mind when you correct him and corrects you too.
62. Takes you to McDonalds at 4 in the morning because your craving chicken nuggets and then he buys you another happy meal because you didnt get the toy you wanted in the other meal.
63. Wants you to come to church with him, just so he can play with your fingers for an hour.
64. Knows how to carry a conversation so that when you get to talking and you run out of things to say he knows how to cover up for you so it looks like your the worlds greatest conversationalist and it saves you from feeling awkard.
65. Tells you all his secrets cause he knows you'd never tell.
66. And if one of the kids in his class says PSSHHT DUDE your gf went and told the whole class your secret. He doesnt say WHAT. THATS IT WE"RE THROUGH! He gets your side of the story before he reacts because he trusts you more then some idiot in his class.
67. Knows your favorite book character is Romeo Montague and reads you quotes for no reason.
68. When hes going to your house and hes waiting at the door and your home alone and he hears you singing/screaming at the top of your lungs he doesnt stand out there and listen because he knows you dont like singing in front of him. He lets you know hes there and doesnt eavesdrop.
69. Only does number 67 to his gf, unless she knows about it.
70. If your passing notes with your friend and the teacher catches you and your facing detention he grabs the note and says that he was passing notes and apologizes and takes the detention for you
71. When ur sick and insist he rly should NOT come over, he calls u at ten minute intervals until u pick up and then stays with u on the phone until 5 a.m. even if neither one of you is talking.
72. Has a playlist with your name on his ipod so when you get bored all your favorite songs are there for you to listen to
73. When your wearing a shirt (on purpose) to make your boobs look good, he doesnt comment on your boobs like a pig. He says, "Nice shirt."
74. He can confide in you about how he REALLY feels about you and knows the two of you can have an honest conversation about your feelings for eachother.
75. Some loser started a rumor you wanted to break up with him, but you dont have to freak out cause you know he wouldnt believe it anyway.
76. If its rainy day he doesnt keep you cooped up inside, he chases you around until your soaked and then he grabs you and kisses you in the pouring rain. Why? Because he knows itll make all your romantic dreams come true and secretly itll make all of his come true too.
77. Teases you about the stupid things you do, but gives you full right to tease him back.
78. When you admit to him (in all seriousness) that you think you are deranged he replies ( just as seriously ) that he thinks he is too and thats good because hes not letting you get carted off to the looney bin without him.
79. Buys McDonalds for you and lights candles. Cause he knows you like romance with a touch of personality. And doesnt mind if the first ten minutes of dinner you whine how you cant eat hamburgers cause your on a diet. And eventually you end up eating on the floor, leaning on eachother, reminising about inside jokes. (implying you have inside jokes....which is a must)
80. When your at a restaraunt and you feel sick he automatically drops the bill and brings you to the car and speed drives you home to give your mom the details and reccomend bed rest. Then you take her up to her room and watch Charmed reruns with her and whisper to her you love her while she sleeps.
81. Takes a million pictures of you in the weirdest places and makes a video montage for your birthday.....but no one else ever sees it....cuz you look like shit in most of those pictures but he loves them all.
82. If you tell him something he thinks is insignificant but that YOUR very worried about he gives the whole situation his undivided attention even if its something like do you think im ugly? or do my shoes make my feet look gigantic?
83. Act like a lunatic in public places, keeping you ten feet away from anyone who could be a sicko, only cause he loves you and never wants anything at all to happen to you.
84. When you want to go rollerblading or skateboarding he makes you wear a helmet and knee pads and elbow pads because hes scared your going to fall and hurt yourself and you get into a big argument about it but you know hes only doing it because he cares and in the end he wins and you dont really mind that you look like your going sky diving.
85. Knows all your single friends are jealous but doesnt care cause your the only one he ever wants.
86. Is very empathetic and understanding towards you and your feelings. He knows just how to turn your bad day into an amazing one with just one word.
87. Never jokes around about anything that is very serious to you.
88. When your stuck on some stupid math hw he doesnt do it for you because he wants you to do better in math so he helps you figure out and guides you but lets you figure the answer out for yourself.
89.Doesnt start an ex-gf story without finishing cause he knows that its gonna kill you for a week.
90Makes up stupid names to call you in public and does super annoying things and just when you want to kill him he kisses you and you go into a total daze and forget how dumb he was being
91. Gives you his jacket but not cause he wants ppl to be like...aww. Cause he doesnt want you to be cold.
92. When your walking on the beach and he sees your starving he gives you his pretzel and lies and says hes not hungry even though its 9 PM and he hasnt eaten since breakfast this morning at 8.
93. His phone is ALWAYS on and he nvr ignores your random txt with no promising convo after it.
94. When hes at the store he always sees things that remind him of you and whenever he comes back you always end up getting stuff because he cant help buying it for you and no matter how hard you try he wont accept the money you try to give him to pay for it
95. Knows that no matter how many times you ask him to tell you which one of your friends he would be with besides you, you nvr rly want an answer.
96. And to elaborate on the aforementioned topic: the truth is he could never be with any of your friends because he'd be sick with thoughts of you
97. Lets say he screws up and says your best friend michelle, when you totally do a fake cover face for...aww...i could see you two together...he grabs you and kisses you all over (g rated)

98. When your feeling really down and you tell him you think your the ugliest thing in the world he kisses you and says your a godess. Then he kisses you again and compliments you again and he kisses you so many times you cant breathe and you dont even bother to and when he says do you still think your ugle? you mutter no and almost pass out.
99. He knows all you tickle spots and when you scream and giggle for him to stop he doesnt cuz he knows you enjoy so very much.
100. The number oneway to be a perfect boyfriend is to love her with your mind, body, and entire soul, and when you tell her that, makes sure you damn well mean it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

I CANNOT BELIEVE People Like This Actually Exist!

Ok im pissed. So, while i'm well aware me and Cate aren't close anymore, i still have that automatic instict to defend her and when this total BITCH im'ed me...the instict came back. Apparently this retard found out her AIM password and she's going around telling all her friends that she's a jerk. Of course i didn't buy it for a second and i found out that this absolute IDIOT is the one that turned all Cate's friends on her. She irritated me to no end and we got into this huge argument.
a) She talks really annoyingly. I swear Mr. Murphy would drop dead on the floor. Apparently with is spelled widd and hi is constituted for yo babe. I am not a babe and i do not answer to yo and i made that PERFECTLY CLEAR.
b) She is very proud that she has had sex 24 times. I mean hellooo STD's come and get me! She's even had abortions (that is, if she's not lying which appears to be her only talent). When i told her she was a disgusting whore she told me i was jealous! I was like YEAH im just DROWNING in my own envy. If i was talking to her face to face i probably would have spit on her. Multiple times.
c) She also had the nerve to IM Jay and tell him that he was being cheated on. That's the worst, most unlikely lie in the whole entire world. And when he said he loved her and she was the most beautiful girl in the world she said theres no such thing as love...I almost feel bad for her and what she's missing out on. I said almost. Because...
d) She is an arrogant little fuck. When she called Cate ugly and i (very politely) told her to fuck off, she was amazed i thought Cate was pretty and followed it up by saying "well you obviously havent seen me yet" Conceited little prick...Then she continued to say that she was the most popular girl in the whole school. I almost threw up. All that means is that she craves attention and she's not independent. Insecure is the word i'm looking for i think.
I'm utterly disgusted that people like this exist in the world. Even if i dont exactly feel the same towards Cate anymore, I had no choice but to tell this retard off. If a PrincessLissPws IM's any of you tell her to go drown in her own fucking love for herself. Please. If there's one thing i CANNOT stand it's Hollister loving, gucci buying, self-absorbed, labeling little bitches like HER.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Since It's The New Phase Thats Sweeping The Nation...

Alright well since everyone seems to think this is the new thing...i'll do it too. I have to admit it does look really fun... here goes...


“I claimed I didn't care for you but your verse got trapped inside my head. Over and over again. You played yourself to death in me.” “Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition” 
“Who could deny these butterflies?” “Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes. I never really had a chance. I had so many dreams about you and me. Happy endings; Now I know” “Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.” 
“How does it feel when tears freeze, when you cry?” 
“You were everything that's bad for me. Make no apologies. I'm crushed black and blue but you know I'd do it all again for you.” 

Please... don't try to analyze it..I'm barely sure what it means...

Copyright...Fazp...Cus she came up with the idea...lol
Ok wow...I just had the weirdest, funniest, most disturbing conversation ever... But it was kind of fun. Kind of horrible. But kind of fun. Q and A had never been so disgustingly dramatic but then a gain, thats how its supposed to be, right? Admittedly it was much more interesting then the whole... if you were on a deserted island what would you take or if you had to marry christian marvilli... More embarrassing but much more interesting. I guess this game is like a bad version of Truth or Truth? Ok well whatever it is I'm kind of glad Vrai made it up. Even if it's so annoying when there's no longer such a thing as just TALKING to her because we HAVE to play this game. But I like it a bit. Um.. besides playing with Fazp and Vrai i played with LAUREN and it was actually... weird how different people are then you they seem on the outside... It's actually pretty amazing how unperceptive we really are, no  matter how hard we try to fool ourselves into thinking we know everything about everyone, the sad truth is... we don't. If we did there would be a lot less hurt feelings, wouldn't there?      
First off sorry Riddler but I'm not buying the poor little baby boys crap. Sorry. Seeing as you're a guy, you might be a bit biased on that one. I understand that guys have problems but so do we and you don't see us practically lap dancing on the lunch table or throwing spit balls at people. Because we have brains instead of walnuts. Point being; i agree with Fazp. Boys really do think with their dicks. Who knows? Maybe that's what there for because there brains sure don't seem to be the decision makers. There are some nice ones. Some as in like three or four in the world. A rarity. Ok moving on. Vacation is coming and SOMEONE is going ice skating with me even though she doesn't want to. She will be dragged. If it snows i really want to go sledding because that was AMAZING. The head rush makes you really giddy and it's a nice feeling. Kind of remnant of something else. Maybe that feeling is addictive. Despite the fact that I'm probably going to a frigging Catholic school, I'm actually kinda excited. Anywheres better then 75. But oddly enough, i think i'll really miss it. This is another so so day. I'm feeling pretty inspired so i wrote almost a page as soon as i got home.          

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Had To Say This

I'm not done yet. I know. I'm sorry but another thought just crossed my mind. Different subject so i decided to do a new blog. Tough for you. Alright so the "girl" i mentioned officially considers me an aquaintance. I had to get that off my chest. I kind of went from hurt and confused to hurt, confused and a bit pissed off. I wonder if she reads my blog? She might. That would be an uh-oh. But i somehow doubt it since i don't mean anything to her anyway. I wish that she would have told me in the first place she didn't care about me at all because now i feel like I spent all that time caring about her and crying over her and thinking she was my best friend in the world and all that garbage and then i was wrong. I feel stupid and embarassed. I have walls that go up and stay up and they came down for her and now i'm regretting ever taking them down in the first place. I can't open up to just anyone and for the past few years she was my confidant and she was probably more important then my family was to me. And now the biggest let down wasn't that her mom didn't want me to see her but that she totally agreed with her mom that i'm a liar and she's perfectly ok with it. If i was in her place i would have fought my mom tooth and nail to see her again but i guess i don't deserve the same respect. Love always goes wrong for me whether it's romance or friendship.

Guys...have a lot of nerve.

Alright today wasn't so bad. Bearable. Apparently i'm not that bad in basketball because...i shot like twelve times and got it in quite a few of them and they were mostly 3 pointers from far back. Got them in from when i caught it on check! Which was so cool because i love sports but i'm not that good at them. But we lost because the girl who reffed had no idea what she was doing and she always called out random team names to check it. So we lost. But i didn't really mind because it was a pretty good day. Well not good but it was acceptable. The week went fast. I can't believe it's almost Friday and then we're off for nine days. We have an unbelievably long amount of math homework which i will probably end up using to showcase my need to procrastinate and there goes the last night of my vacation right down the drain. But hey, eight days isn't so bad either, right? Well we found someone that has Forever and they're passing it around the class along with A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl. The boys at lunch were going crazy reading it because of some of the..."detailed" parts of the book but that's not really the point of it. Leave it to an adolescent guy to randomly open a book and find the page with sex on it and then jump around laughing maniacally like it's a never before heard of concept. Thank God i'm a girl. The guys also decided to yell at me and Fazp's point of view on guys and how theyr'e all morons. We were corrected of course. Only MOST guys are morons. Well excuse me for not agreeing. I mean comeon. MOST is a bit too vague. A good lot more them MOST of them are jerks. It's like programming and maybe one or two (tops) guys are lucky to kind of skip over that little extra, like a bug in a computer. But almost all of them (a more accurate guess) are jerks, plain and simple. Only it's not plain and simple! Because why do they have to be jerks? Common curtesy, loyalty, support and most of all love are not so much to ask for from any guy. So why can't they just grasp the fact that it's time for guys, especially around our age group, to get...not more MATURE but more considerate especially towards US, us pertaining to girls. You know, the female species? All their decisions are solely testosterone fueled. It's disgusting, really. But then again, this is just me complaining, right? I wonder if this is all just in my head. Bad Guy Experience=Looking Down On Guys. I mean, I've never had a boyfriend or anything so...maybe i'm just bitter? But i don't think that's it. I just think that guys have a lot of nerve...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oh my god...Valentines Day is this Saturday. Normally i don't post twice a day but i'm so upset about this i decided no one will suffer anyway because no one really reads the blog at all...Stupid, stupid, stupid valentines day. Stupid red and pink and white and stupid happy couples and jewelry and chocolates and red roses and stupid me for being so upset that i don't fall under the category of anything i just referred to as stupid. I hate the fact that i'm going to be alone, sitting at home watching Sailor Moon and Charmed reruns on youtube, sipping hot cocoa and trying not to cry. I am so, so pathetic. I never realized it 'til now but i really am. Watch, i'll end up watching Titanic or Gone With the Wind or maybe West Side Story and what'll that do? Cue the waterworks. Why do i waste my time watching this crap? Because this "crap" fascinates me beyond belief and sadly, i wish i was Rose or Scarlett or Maria or...well you know what i mean. Then again, notice life doesn't work out for any of them. Jack freezes to death, Rhett dumps Scarlett and stalks off into the conveniently placed London fog even though they're in Georgia and Tony gets shot. Why is it that none of the really beautiful romance movies have happy endings? I'll tell you why. Because they're realistic.
Alright first off this "kid" had to leave our class for special circumstances and most of you reading this will know who he is. I'm surprised because i thought i hated the guy but i actually really miss him. I even cried and i know he didn't like me but he made me laugh and i feel horrible for being such a jerk to him. It's funny how you take the weirdest things for granted and pretend you dont care and once they're gone you realize how stupid you were. I just want to say that wherever he is i hope he's ok, i really do. Weirdest thing i ever said. Officially. But good luck out there because it's a big world. I mean the whole thing i related this to, the "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"....so true. I've felt that lately on a much grander scale then a kid in my class moving away. It's an annoying feeling, like something gnawing at you and you try to brush it away but you just know that somewhere inside you a little voice is screaming i told you so and you realize how you should have grabbed the chance while it was still within reach. For this one situation, though, i'm kind of glad i didn't make the reach because i would be a lot different then i am now and...well my whole life would be changed and while i don't see how my life can get much worse i don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Yes i'm at a bad age where i'm convinced life sucks and, yes, to a point it really does. But i feel bad comparing my life to starving children in Africa or homeless people, trying to survive on the cold streets of New York City in the heart of winter. Compared to them my life is a fairytale. But then how come after telling myself all that, i would still switch lives with them in a heart beat? Not only do i wish my life were less dramatic but more exciting. Yes, for your information, there is a huge difference. Drama is unneccesary and petty and excitement...well i don't have much of it. I'm the type of person that craves excitement. If some random man walked up to me right now and asked me to go bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower with him there would be no way in hell i'd even imagine saying no. Sadly there will be no random man, bungee jumping, or split decision visits to Paris for me. Or anything remotely near as exhilerating as that. Besides my extreme distaste for my life and need for something interesting to spark it i also feel more and more that everyone hates me. I think there's something wrong with me because some people i think hate me, i've never had a conversation with in my life and most of them are like my closest friends. I think it's just that i have bad experience making and/or keeping friends, period. I mean even if i was right, am i so horrible that every single kid in the whole school hates me? I really, really don't think so. That's a bit much even for my self esteem. I know a lot of them put up with me just because they have to but that alone is something. At least no ones throwing books at me and taking cover under desks. I don't think they are anyway. I wish i was one of those girls that everyone liked. I don't want to be the type that has platinum blond spirals of hair, glistening blue eyes and teeth that could easily be m istaken for pearls. I just want to fit in sometimes. Not stop being who i am and stop standing out but...to be accepted for standing out. If that makes any sense at all. Like Vrai can do that and i can name a few other select few who seem to have that talent. It just doesn't work. I have to either wear Hollister every day and smile until i want to cut my mouth out with a razor (which i tried in elementary school and it did not cut it for me, the fitting in thing not the razor thing thats a bit much even for me) or be myself and play my music in my head and bother people into insanity and be cut off from civilization. I know out of the two i'd choose the second hands down not that i have experience but i wish the world wasn't so judgemental. It seems like most people today judge everyone on what they wear, how they act and whether their stupid pocketbook is a REAL gucci bag or if it's *gasp* not! Now that would be the sin of all sins! And if you don't carry a designer pocketbook to school with you SHAME on you! You rot in the dungeons and face social humility for all eternity because you were the one person who wanted to be different and who didn't need to be seen with an ugly brown bag with a bunch of G's on it. If you call that art i give up on this planet all together. Maybe i'll move to Saturn...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Font Is Turquoise!!!

K..Um..my friends over..And may i add my dear FAZP that there is no way i shall partake in ANY band because to be a band member requires talent so...oh shucks..i forgot..i went and left my talent at home! Oh wait i dont have any!! Well thats that. Sorry folks. Aimez is musically out of comission today. I think my friend just farted cus the room smells kinda funky...Lol i so just got slapped for that. Ok no i didnt but i can probably expect a slap in the near future. Well nothing eventful really happened today.. yesterday was..amazing! I mean yeah i know i cant dance but it didnt really matter! It wasnt half as packed as it was in November but it was still fun...minus like thirteen people! You know who you are! You should be ashamed *cough vrai cough* because it was NOT gay no matter how often you insisted. It couldnt have been because the DJ staff member was..very phsyically pleasing..lol yea he was quite cute. He danced with all the girls and whenever he moved all the girls screamed and ran after him and one girl got trampled and fell on the floor! Oh and apparently a chocolate bar the size of my fingernail is worth a dollar and since i was kinda short on those i starved. But it was fun. It really was. Um..what else happened to me? Probably not a lot. Omigod! I wore lip gloss! It was DISGUSTING. Why would anyone want to smear their lips with goo? I just dont understand? To look "kissable"? It looks more like someone took swamp water and glitter and rubbed it on your lips and said "ok NOW you're fit to go out and kiss people"...um...no. you're not. It's disgusting. Ok i cannot believe i have a blog..Whoever is reading this please stop because no matter who you are you do not want to hear some pyscho lunatic babble for at least 4 sentences on what lipgloss feels like when you put it on (bad!!). And i took this weird tag thing and i had to come up with 25 things about me that were..strange i s'pose. It was amazing how many things about me that were weird that i never even aknowledged. Like the fact that i have some weird obsession with old movies? Or that my crazy urges to scream and dance in the middle of the street and sometimes in the middle of class are not (i repeat NOT) normal? I actually ended up laughing hysterically at my own stupidity. Actually, i do that a lot. I dont think THATS normal either. Well i'm off to go look up a therapist in the phonebook that i havent already been to...jk jk...kind of sort of not.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Yea...Not Creative Enough For A Title..Is that good enough for you?

Ok well lots of interesting things happened in the last few days. Ok not anything really. I was kind of offended by some "stuff" i cant mention on the blog but... ah well. Everything is confusing and sometimes i dont know what to do anymore. I made some choices for myself that hurt but i have to go with my gut instinct and maybe its time i started to face reality right? Right. I finally realized that im not going to ride away with some prince on a white horse (courtesy Taylor Swift and Taylor Taylor lol) but i think im ok with that. Red roses and perfection does not come over night and maybe sometimes it doesnt come at all. I'll just have to wait it out and hope i'm one of the lucky ones. Sometimes maybe i have to make my own luck. Today was fun but i kind of just woke up from all that delerious school cutting enjoyment when my friend kind of explained that we're not friends anymore because i haven't seen her for a month because her mom doesnt like me. I'm ok with that so if she reads this..you know i guess it had to happen eventually...but i thought i meant more then THAT and..well that stung..bit of an ouch. But i deserved it. I had to much fun today so something was bound to go wrong. But it was fun. Apparently the mall is a lot nicer before school hours then after. It was nice and quiet and you get to do whatver you want cus its all old ladies and babies getting pushed around in strollers. I went to BORDERS and it smells REALLY REALLY good in there not to mention its like..book heaven..so that was nice. And then we went sledding and my boots were apparently not fit for it cus every time i had to climb back up the damn hill i kept sliding down! I actually crawled up once! Beyond the normal embarassment protocol. Really. I drank two bottles of Snapple today! With Alina's money of course. Wow. How much do i owe her by now? Like more then my mom's electric bill probably.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl


Wow, a lot happened in the last few days. It's too confusing to go into. But i had a really really good weekend. Not good...but productive. Almost like i learned some stuff i really needed to enlighten myself on. I can thank Fazp for most of that and the book she lent me which totally changed the way i look at things...Especially the whole romantic area of my life. I actually feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Instead of thinking..i'm ugly and i wish i was never born i think..well i'm not SO bad and even if i am there's nothing i can do about it so why linger on the whole thing when i've got more important things to worry about? This weekend was...probably the weirdest weekend of my life. Oddly, i enjoyed it. I needed something like this. Well i have to go do math homework but..
Please read this book...It makes so so so much sense and makes me curse even more how totally stupid i am sometimes.






Wednesday, January 28, 2009

..

I'm in school!! I could probably have stayed home but for who the hell knows why, I didn't. I had to go so i convinced myself no one would be here but of course the class is almost full. And for once in a long time i don't really have much to talk about..which kinda means theres not really anything bothering me. It feels nice...but...really really weird. I guess it's one of those aquired taste things...i'm obviously not used to it. When i feel emotions they're very strong. So i'm either super happy or extremely depressed but never just in between. It's really nice. I'm not SUPER happy but i'm content. I wish it could be like this more often but i won't count on it. Alright well considering my new...odd but enjoyable state of mind it's bothering me that i'm still getting these horrible dreams. Sometimes i don't even remember them but lately i don't think i've missed any. Theres less of the strangely nice ones and more of the disgustingly morbid ones. I wish my self conscious could think up a more colorful and happy dream for me. I mean, it's bad enough that i go through depressing periods of my life in REALITY but can't i at least be happy when i'm asleep? Obviously not. Love Story is on!! Reminds me of CA. We're reading Romeo and Juliet and "Vrai" ahem hem, is Juliet and she has to marry this creepy kid in my class but it's hysterical because it's the perfect time to make fun of her. Oh and i dont even want to go home because im kind of..enjoying myself. And going home means worrying about falling asleep because im actually tired during the day not at night....i swear im nocturnal. Shit. Bell rang.